Happiness Blog

Positive Psychology is very popular in American academia today.

Positive psychologists believe we can all be happy or happier by being more positive.

They suggest we substitute more positive judgments for negative ones, spend time on gratitude lists and journal good things that happen in our lives.

They believe the more time we spend focusing on positives over negatives, the happier we will be.

They preach the Gospel of Learned Optimism, that we can learn to be more optimistic in our assessments of life and be happier.

The Positive Psychology Happiness Formula is :
Positive Judgments => Produce Happiness
Negative Judgments => Mean Misery
Therefore More Positive Judgments Mean More Happiness

While there is some truth to this statement (it is a variant of the First Law of Happiness - Our Focus Determines Our Feelings) they overlook a number of key points.

The first is optimism can cause us to overlook or ignore important danger signals and warning signs that help us to thrive and survive. We are told we just need to be more positive, to see more benefits fewer threats. This can be dangerous.

The Happiness Habit model is different. Habitually happy people assess reality very accurately and take decisive and often very creative action. Once they are confident they have made good decisions, they put the full force of positive expectations behind their drive to excel and do well.

They know the dangers of excessive optimism and react accordingly.

More importantly, Habitually Happy people don’t ignore misery. They know misery has some meaning.

Misery is meant to make us move and take action - it is a signal something needs to change or is changing.

It often means we need to change what we are doing, how we think about it or both. Or perhaps our world is changing and we need to change to adapt and adjust, like it or not.

Stuffing, ignoring or replacing negative signals with learned optimism is not the universal route to happiness and spiritual success.

When our gut, our heart, soul and being are screaming something is wrong, we cannot simply try to pretend everything is fine.

We need to look at those negative feelings, understand what they tell us and act accordingly. Are the perceived threats real or merely effects of past conditioning, environment and experience? Can we turn those negatives into positives?

Assess reality accurately. Explore and appreciate what negative feelings are trying to tell you.

Make decisive, effective decisions. Put the full force of positive expectations behind all your actions. Use a drive to excel and do well to propel you to happiness and success. Try to enjoy each and every moment. Be Happy!

Copyright 1999-2008 by Michele Moore. All rights reserved. Contact us for reprint permission. Comment on this posting below.

A Drive to Do Well and Excel Are Keys to both Happiness and Greatness!

Habitually happy people want to do their best, feel their best, be their best all the time.

They also continually and creatively look for ways to make their best even better.

This is the same mindset described as the keys to Greatness by Fortune Magazine. 

The article discusses recent studies of people who have excelled in their sport or profession, examinining what it takes to be great.

The good news is… greatness in a skill, sport or profession does not come from natural talents or gifts. Greatness is open to any and all of us.

Greatness comes from rugged, rigorous hard work and a determined drive and desire to continually improve our skills.

The same principles hold true for happiness.  By continually and creatively finding ways to live more happily and successfully, we can grow our happiness and spiritual success.  

Copyright 1999-2008 by Michele Moore.  All rights reserved. Contact us for reprint permission. Comment on this posting below.

The Best Way to Excel and Do Well At Anything
Is To Cultivate A Love For It.

Love And Exuberant Zeal Propel
Happiness and Success.

People who are at the top of their profession or calling truly love what they do and devote their entire life, their soul, their being to it.

They are determined to be the best. Lasting, remarkable success doesn’t happen by accident or with sloppiness. 

Star performers have decided to be different in some way, to add a new artistry, invention, dimension, perpective or approach to their endeavors. 

They are not just the same as everyone else and better. They are different, creative, distinctive.

Preeminence has its perils. A top coach complained success had made her hard because of the back biting, infighting and sabotage within her sport. Jealous, envyous people can be very hateful.

Your colleagues are competitors.  You can’t count on affirmation, support or admiration from people you consistently beat. Hurt causes hardness, sometimes even hatred.  

Protect yourself from pain and be happy with your success without becoming hard. Reposition your attitudes, view bad antics as sick, dysfunctional and pathetic. Feel sorry for them.

Envy and Jealousy Are Marks of Loosers!

Embrace the love you feel for your sport, endeavor or profession. You are the best because you have worked harder and added more than the others.

Truly successful people look at great performers, admire them, support them, emulate them and try to learn all they can from them. Loosers discredit, devalue or subvert winner’s sucesses.

There’s a reason why winners rise to the top while loosers stay stuck below them.  Backbiting, infighting and subversion become more important than love of excellence and the endeavor.

There’s a huge difference between striving to deliver an exceptional performance and wanting to beat someone. Winners love to embrace the very best, loosers often try to hurt.  Expect people you beat to be unhappy.

Don’t look for affirmation or admiration from competitors. It will come from people who appreciate what you do, understand how hard you work and have hearts as strong and as good as yours.

Embrace and love what you do. Understand why you are so good. Be grateful to those who support and admire your success. Disregard those who don’t.

  
Copyright 2008, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact us for Reprints. For more Happiness Habits see http://HappinessHabit.com Comment on our postings below.

Pride is one of the most important and most misunderstood aspects of happiness.

Pride in a job well done, in doing the right thing, your accomplishments, your integrity or in the family you have raised, these are all very positive.

Pride can also be a very bad, dangerous defect. What’s the difference? Here are some examples…

False Pride places too much emphasis on what other people may think or how they may react. It places our projections of their concerns ahead of our own needs. Our lives can become directed by fears and concerns about what other people think. False pride can prevent us from seeking and accepting the help we need to survive and thrive. False pride can cause us to try too hard to impress other people.

Superior Pride raises people up and places them above others, separating and isolating them with an inflated sense of self importance. We all know people with stuck up superior pride, they are attractive only to themselves. Their attitude says, “I am better than you and the rest of the world.”

Perfectionistic Pride demands that things be perfect in order to be acceptable and that we accept only the best. Anything less is inferior and unworthy. Perfectionistic pride wastes time, resources and destroys happiness. It is exclusive and exclusionary. Perfectionistic pride limits our willingness to explore, try new things, to enjoy differences.

Each of these negative forms of pride defeat our desires to be happy and spiritually successful. Recognize and reject them when they occur, replace them with happy, successful responses.

How do we decide if pride is positive or perverse? Ask is it helpful or hurtful? Does our pride expand and enhance our lives and opportunities or does it limit them? Is it a genuine expression of love, delight and affection? Or is it a twisted false elevation and enhancement of self?

Trumpeting Triumphs is Not Bragging! Celebrating successes, trumpeting triumphs and delighting in good deeds all motivate people to do more and are important to happiness, enthusiasm and success. Bragging is very different. Bragging says, “I am better than you are…!”

Trumpeting Triumphs, Celebrating Successes, Delighting in Good Deeds Are Keys to Happiness and Spiritual Success!!!!

Copyright 2008, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved.
Contact us for Reprints. For more Happiness Habits
see HappinessHabit.com Comment on our postings below.

Empathy Is Essential To Happiness

Empathy means we can sympathize and identify with other people’s pain,
situations and feelings.

Empathy is the core of compassion.

Empathy means we care about others, that we are concerned about their welfare and well-being.

Habitually happy people characteristically exhibit abundant love and empathy. They genuinely care about people and the world around them. Love truly does propel happiness.

The more we love, the greater our happiness. Where there is no love, there is no happiness.

The empty, apathetic angst that characterizes the affluent arrogant amplifies this truth. 

People who place themselves above and apart from the rest of the world rarely experience the love, happiness or joy that flows so easily to people who eagerly embrace the entire world.

Evil people may love, but their love is limited to a very few people around them.

The Best Way To Prosper Is To Help Others Prosper.

The Best Way To Be Loved Is To Love.

The Best Way To Be Happy Is To
Delight In Helping Others To Be Happy,
Especially Those Who Are Less Fortunate Than You!

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact us for Reprints. For more Happiness Habits see http://HappinessHabit.com Comment on our postings below.

Happiness Lessons From the Godfather

The Godfather movie trilogy illustrates many valuable Business and Leadership lessons.

It also illustrates some very important Happiness Habits, most importantly, the Dangers of Departing from Goodness.

In the beginning of Part I, young Michael Corleone is happy, idealistic and moral. He comes home as a WWII war hero. He wants to stay clean and clear of the family “business.”

He was happy and clean until his father’s life and “business” was threatened. He changed and killed two people. 

As the trilogy continues, Michael is drawn deeper and deeper into violence, criminal dominance, alienation from goodness and from his family.

When the Godfather Part III ends, Michael is alone. He has it all financially, but nothing spiritually or emotionally. He has lost his family, his loved ones and himself.  He is empty and desolate.

He has supreme success in a life of crime. With luck, a rival will kill him and end his misery. What else does he have left to live for?

Don’t Depart From Goodness - Make Goodness A Guiding Goal.

Always Try To Do Your Best, Be Your Best, Follow The Best Path You Know.

No matter how things turn out, you know you did your best and could have done no more. Your conscience will always be clear. This is central to happines and spiritual success.

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact us for Reprints. For more Happiness Habits see http://HappinessHabit.com Comment on our postings below.

Forgiveness Offers Freedom of
Thought and Action.

Forgiveness Means Not Letting Past Pain Determine Present Or Future Actions.

Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Forget, Stuffing Our Feelings Or
Letting Others Hurt Us Again!

Forgiveness Provides Relief From Pain.

Holding on to resentments and grievances IS a decision to suffer, it’s allowing past pain to ruin present and future moments. This allows past pain to control us, our feelings and actions. That’s not the way to happiness and spiritual success!

Happy people don’t hold on to misery. They resolve to learn from bad experiences, gain from their pain and let them go. Unnecessary suffering is masochistic.

People Who Don’t Fight For Their Freedom And Rights Loose Them! Forgiveness does not mean “Door Mat.”

None of the great religious or spiritual leaders in history were whimps. They all took strong stands and fought for their beliefs. Habitually Happy are NOT Whimps! They just simply refuse to be controlled by past pain. They resolve to let pain go quickly.

They make good decisions based on accurate assessments of reality, worthwhile goals and positive intentions.

Forgiveness Offers Freedom From Pain And Angry Decisions. 

Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Forget!

Copyright 2007 Michele Moore.  All rights Reseved.  Contact Us for reprints.  See Happiness Habit for more happiness insights.

Some people enjoy being mean. Evil people enjoy causing hurt and harm, it gives them a sense of power, control and superiority.

They may hide your keys, snicker while you search for them and blame you for not being better organized. Benign? It costs you time and emotional well-being.

Empowered, evil tyrants like Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot kill millions of people without regret.

They have no consciences, no guilt, no remorse or empathy, no care about right or wrong. They do whatever they please, their only concern is getting caught or being stopped.

Law enforcement and medical professionals call them psychopaths, sociopaths, antisocial. They are at least 4% of our population.

They are often very articulate, charming, attractive and likeable. This makes them very dangerous. They look and act normal but they have no morals, no concern for anyone but themselves.

They are adept at hiding their true feelings and evil intentions. They are criminals, con artists, psychopathic ceos, corporate bullys, petty tyrants.

Good people don’t believe people can be so evil and do such evil things and still seem so normal.

This is how and why happy, healthy people are repeatedly taken in and victimized by their psychopathic manipulations and deceptions.

Evil people look like fine, upstanding citizens. Church involvement can provide convenient covers for their criminal activities.

Happy, Healthy, Successful People Beware:

Psychopaths often target the best and the brightest and try to humiliate and subjugate people who are better than they are. They love to dominate, control and destroy people who outshine or out perform them. Why People Are Targeted

Their haughty delusions of grandeur are driven by deep seated and well earned fears of inferiority.

Protection from Evil Psychopaths:

1) Recognize there are very sick, evil people who appear normal, kind, caring and considerate. They have no empathy or concern for anyone but themselves. Sociopaths are sadistic. They get pleasure from causing pain, especially to good people.

2) Power, Control and Superiority are their needs. They want to hurt you and they don’t want to be exposed. They blame you for the evil they’re doing and they want you to take responsibility for it and blame yourself as well.

3) Humiliation and Subjugation are their goals. If they can make you mad, look crazy or bad, you’ve played right into their hands.

4) Emotional Independence - Choose your mood, attitude and actions based on what’s best for you. Don’t give them control of your thoughts, actions or feelings. Don’t give them the control and dominance they crave.

5) Protect Yourself Physically and Mentally - don’t let them depress, distress or endanger you. Don’t let their evil dominate your life.

6) Shine Brightly - Strength, Genuine Goodness and Spiritual Success Are Your Best Defenses!

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact us for Reprints. For more Happiness Habits see http://HappinessHabit.com Comment on our postings below.

The Clergy are the happiest and most satisfied with their jobs according to the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Physical therapists and firefighters ranked second and third in overall job satisfaction. Interestingly, these jobs are generally lower paying professions.

Doctors and lawyers who are significantly more affluent report much lower levels of job satisfaction. The least satisfied professions were roofers and waiters, people who work primarily for money because their jobs are seen as having fewer intrinsic rewards.

These survey results reaffirm Happiness Habit’s First Law of Happy Thought: Our Focus Determines Our Feelings

When we devote our time and energy to doing things we find meaningful and rewarding, we feel good. Devoting our lives to altruism and helping others is often the best, most reliable route to true happiness.

Clergy face many difficult stresses daily, dealing with death, demanding church members and dysfunctional subcultures. Their lives are certainly not easy or stress free. The noble calling of their profession, their dedication to goodness and helping others triumphs dramatically over all these disadvantages.

Roofers and waiters who report low job satisfaction can reposition their perspectives to emphasize the value and beauty in what they do.

Everyone can take pride in executing even simple, repetitive jobs extraordinarily well. Linking job satisfaction to the benefits your work provides, keeping a home dry or creating a beautiful dining experience can send your spirits soaring. You no longer work just for money but for the good you do for others.

Doctors and lawyers who adopt similar perspectives achieve far greater satisfaction from their work. When they just focus on their stresses and their problems, they are miserable. Redirecting their attention to the good they provide patients, clients and society changes the complexion of their work dramatically.

Professions characterized by chronically combative, competitive cultures value winning, power and superiority above all else. Even people who are highly successful in these cultures are rarely as happy or long lived as those who choose to devote their talents to altruism and helping others.

Goodness truly does bring its own wonderful rewards!

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact us for reprints. See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights. Michele Moore is author of How To Live A Happy Life - 101 Ways To Be Happier.

The Happiness Institute in Australia reminded us how very culturally dependent measures of happiness can be.

Today they cite a study in the United Kingdom that reports hairdressers are the happiest profession.

We don’t know where hair dressing ranks in University of Chicago’s study, nor do we know where the clergy rank in happiness and job satisfaction in Great Britain.

It’s important to appreciate how very subjective and culturally dependent happiness and job satisfaction studies can be.

Are similar questions being asked in the same way to similar groups of people? Do the questions and answers mean the same things?

The United States and Great Britain are very similar in many ways, we would expect surveys of happiness and job satisfaction to be alike too.

Just as we were surprised to see tomatoes regularly served for breakfast on our first trip to Great Britain, we should expect surprises in happiness and job satisfaction rankings between countries and cultures as well.

Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Contact Us for reprints. See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights. Michele Moore is author of How To Live A Happy Life - 101 Ways To Be Happier.