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Bouncing Back Quickly, Powerfully

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

BouncingBall-01 Disasters and deep disappointments are an inevitable part of life. Here are secrets to bouncing back quickly and powerfully:

Focus on Fixes – What can you do to correct the problem, ensure it doesn’t happen again, gain from your pain, learn, grow, strengthen your skills and insights to build happiness and future success?

Don’t Beat Yourself Up, Blame, Complain or Criticize! Focusing on where you are now and what’s wrong keeps you stuck in the problem and miserable. Focusing on what you want to do differently and where you want to go in the future helps you grow and achieve it.

We don’t feel better by blaming, beating ourselves up or by focusing on problems. Beating ourselves up reinforces errors we want to avoid. It focuses time and attention on what’s wrong, not on building new skills and strategies that bring happiness and future success.

We Bounce Back by embracing our goals, our Best Selves and by focusing on what we want to achieve and do differently and then working hard to attain it.

Turn Anguish Into Achievement – Turn anger, regret and anguish into positive actions that improve the situation and help you to be happy and more effective in the future.

Worrying about problems is very different from solving or resolving problems. Regret and remorse do not bring reform. Desire and Determination To Do Things Differently Bring Positive Change.

Ask yourself, Is being upset helping me to fix the problem or to be more effective in the future? How long do I want to be upset? How miserable do I want to be and for how long?

Rebounding Rapidly: Think about how will you feel when the problem is behind you, when you have successfully rebounded. Visualize yourself successfully recovered from the problem. Feel those powerful positive feelings, embrace and project them. Practice feeling and being in rebound mode until it becomes habit.

Our Best: We are truly at our best and able to perform our best when we are UP, confident, energized, focused and happy. Don’t tear yourself down, distract or distress yourself. Don’t detract from your ability to excel and do well.

Bad things happen but they don’t have to make you miserable.

See yourself at your best, feel those powerful, confident feelings and project them. They will become genuinely yours. More Bouncing Back

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Links to our website and pages are welcomed! Please note our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com for more happiness insights.

Tags: happiness habit, happiness secret, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Rebounding From Resolution Remorse

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

sunset-02_4033700 How are your New Year’s Resolutions doing? Are you happy with your progress?

Eager excitement and anticipation blaze in our New Year’s celebrations.

We are determined to make this year much better than the last which just gratefully passed.

Now, barely several weeks into the New Year, many of us feel the Gnawing Nags of Negativity signaling New Years Resolution Remorse.

We have not done and are not doing all of the things we were so enthusiastically determined to do.

The power of habits, inertia and the demands of life seem to be dragging us back into the same ruts we wanted to escape. So what do we do?

Here are a few key Happiness Habits to help you redouble your determination and desire to achieve your New Year’s goals and aspirations:

Don’t Beat Yourself Up – Criticizing and castigating yourself is damaging, demoralizing and very counterproductive. We do it because as children, adults punished us in efforts to improve our behavior, so we do it to ourselves thinking it will make us better. It doesn’t, it defeats us.

Expect Lapses and Plan for Them – Many successful personal development programs grow in fits and starts with great leaps forward alternating with relapses backwards. The key is to learn how to handle your relapses well.

Failure Is NOT Falling Down, It’s Staying Down – Giving up because you made a goof or series of goofs is a grievous condemnation and limitation on your future performance. Successful people make mistakes, they are also determined not be defeated by them.

Misery Is Meant To Make Us Move - Those Gnawing Nags of Remorse and Negativity are a powerful, helpful signs you are slipping back into patterns and behaviors you resolved to avoid. Say “Thank you Resolution Remorse, you are reminding me and reinforcing my resolve to achieve my goals.”

Redouble Your Determination, Drive and Desire – Your dreams haven’t changed, you are just disappointed in your recent actions to attain them. This doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Reinforce your resolve to work hard to achieve your goals.

Drive Discipline With Desire - Don’t view discipline as deprivation, see discipline as steps to dream realization. The secret to successful discipline is to always desire something positive more than whatever tempts you. Fire up and redouble your desire to achieve your goals.

See Small, Very Specific Steps To Success – Start small, construct your process as a series of small, very specific steps that lead to dream fulfillment. Continually celebrating successful completion of each step sets you up for a series of successes.

Lapses Mean You Have To Work Even Harder – Make up for your mistakes and work hard to catch up and stay on track.

Continually Recall And Reinforce Your Resolve – Remember and relive the feelings that lead to your resolution. Continually reinforce your desire and determination, rekindle your resolve to achieve your dream.

Happy New Year from Michele Moore and the Happiness Habit Team!

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors. Photograph from Dreamstime.com

Tags: happiness habit, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore, new years resolution remorse
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Holiday Happiness In Hard Times

Monday, December 14th, 2009

Holidays can be extraordinarily happy even when you are experiencing hard times. Here’s how to enjoy the holidays when you are hurting.

Be Honest About Where You Are, Decide To Be Deliberately Different – Consciously deciding to change and do things differently helps cut painful connections with the past. Different can be very delightful, deliberately deciding to do things differently can be very liberating. HoldiayHapiness-dreamstimef

Joy Has NO Price Tag – Our greatest joys don’t come from gifts of material things. The people, memories, experiences and magic moments that bring us the most joy are not tangible items. Recall sources of joy in the past and recreate them in new and different ways.

Create a Colonial Christmas – imagine what Christmas was like 250 years ago for the first settlers of our country. Create a 1760’s Christmas – simple, joyous, special. Decorate using free, natural items: pine cones, evergreen limbs, pop corn strings.

Cut simple decorative shapes from colored paper or old magazines. Enjoy candles with mirrors. Look for bonfires if you don’t have a fireplace.

Consider Exchanging Care Coupons - Create and decorate coupons for the intangible gifts your loved ones will value the most:

This coupon is good for one hour of help with anything you ask – I promise to work hard happily, enthusiastically and energetically.

This coupon is good for one hour of undivided, uninterrupted time together doing exactly what you want to do. I promise to give my full, undivided, sincere, enthusiastic attention and appreciation to you and whatever you decide to do.

Create a Another Country’s Non Commercial, Cultural Christmas – What Christmas would be like if you were living in a Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist country? Or in a simple village in Latin America? Mongolia? Ethiopia? Learn about other cultures, recreate one for a memorable, enjoyable holiday.

Emphasize Enjoyable Experiences – Look for experiences that bring happiness and joy in the holiday season.

End Extravagant Expectations – Money does not buy a joyful holiday.

See Stabs Of Self Pity As An SOS - Immediately redirect your time, energy and attention toward thoughts, actions, objectives and activities that will help you to build happiness and spiritual success.

Enjoy Natural Beauty – Take walks. Savor, enjoy and appreciate the beauty around you: the special smells, the fresh air on your face, the spectacular sunsets you were always too busy to watch.

Assess Reality Accurately, Don’t Get Carried Away - Don’t diminish holiday joy by over spending, over eating or over compensating for any difficulties, it’s not necessary.

Strangers Can Offer Security And Safety – Family relationships and even long standing friendships can suddenly turn toxic over the holidays. New or different people change holiday dynamics and interactions. Changing the place, time and theme of holiday celebrations can help break bad ruts.

Begin Your New Year’s Resolutions Early - Whatever they are, begin now. Eat and drink healthily. Avoid excesses, too much rich food, alcohol. Too many sweets and starches can drive you nuts. Jump start your diet, exercise or personal development programs. Exercise aggressively. Eat wisely.

Continually Sparkle, Radiate and Set A Positive, Enthusiastic Holiday Tone – Consciously deciding to continually sparkle and radiate joy raises your spirits and the spirits of the people around you. Use holidays as an excuse to smile, speak and greet strangers warmly. Extend a genuine holiday welcome to everyone you meet.

Be Adventuresome And Creative – Decide to do things you haven’t done before, or decide to do them in very different ways.

There are lots of wonderful new ways to enjoy the holidays, find them, explore and enjoy them.

Look For Free Festive Activities With New People In New Places – Volunteering to help others often comes with free food and fun holiday festivities. Find free concerts, free special holiday events and religious activities. Learn about different cultures or religious groups. Visit a friend, relative or shut in who will relish your company.

Spend time really exploring, enjoying and savoring the holiday season and holiday decorations. Do things you were always too busy to do in the past. Make this holiday wonderfully different and it won’t be deficient.

Creativity Is A Key To Happiness In Ordinary Times, It Is Especially Important In Hard Times. Find Creative New Ways To Enjoy Your Holiday And Bring Joy To Others!

Tags: happiness habit, happiness hard times, happiness tough times, holiday hard time, holiday tough time, michele moore
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Self Pity Stabs Happiness

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

SelfPity-989448

Stabs of self pity strike suddenly from time to time.

All we see are the wrongs, the inequities and the dreadful damage our difficulties have caused us.

A overwhelming surge of painful, debilitating self pity begins to set in.

Don’t let self pity overwhelm or over power you.

Stop Self Pity Before It Grows And Deepens

Don’t give those negative, debilitating thoughts and feelings any time and attention, all they will do is bring you down. They are non productive, unnecessary and dangerous. Self pity sabotages happiness and brings dreadful, dismal, downward spirals of despair.

Revolt and Rebel Against Self Pity
Refuse To Give Those Painful Thoughts Your Time And Attention

Self Pity SOS - Let self pity’s first twinges serve as an SOS to immediately redirect your thoughts, actions, energy and attention toward positive goals, activities and objectives that will help you to be happy and spiritually successful.

Don’t Let Self Pity Down Your Spirits
Don’t Give Self Pity Your Time or Attention

Negative judgments power all fear, emotional pain, anxiety and despair. Self pity is a super charged negative judgment.

The normal response is to ask, can these negative judgments help me in some way? If the answer is YES, turn the negative judgments into a series of positive action items and constructive steps that build happiness and spiritual success.

“I’m going to be late!” is an anxiety producing negative judgment that can help you if you turn it into a series of positive actions items: I will stop what I am doing, watch the clock carefully, collect my things and get ready to walk out the door at least three minutes early.

If the answer is NO, discard the negative judgments and refocus your time and attention on activities that will help you achieve your goals, be happy and spiritually successful. The negative judgments are making you miserable for no reason.

Stabs of self pity signal an immediate jump to this NO response. Self pity rarely contains any positive action items that can help you to triumph and be happy. Feeling sorry for yourself is debilitating, dismal and no fun. Stop it before it grows and deepens.

When Stabs Of Self Pity Strike, Immediate Redirect Your Thoughts And Attention Toward Positive, Exciting, Encouraging Thoughts, Actions And Activities That Will Help You Succeed And Be Happy.

Tags: happiness habit, happiness secret, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Feeling Overwhelmed?

Wednesday, October 14th, 2009

Scream1-01

When you are feeling overwhelmed and over powered by all the things you have to do, how do you stay sane, focused, balanced, confident, effective and happy?

Break important tasks down into small, very specific steps or sections that are easy to visualize and achieve within a short, definite period of time.

Work as hard as you can, complete that step. Stop and celebrate success.

Assess your progress in terms of your larger goal and the time you have to attain it.

Decide what to do next and how long you will spend on it.

Work as hard as you can, complete the step, stop, celebrate success, assess your progress and plan your next step.

Great achievements are built through a series of very small, specific, successful steps.

If you still feel overwhelmed, break the step down into even smaller, shorter, easy to visualize and achieve steps or actions.

Working Hard Is Energizing And Empowering. Incite A Delight And Drive To Get Things Done. Urgency creates energy, determination, drive, decisiveness and focus. See work as an exciting series of successful achievements, not a dreadful burden.

If You Can’t Face Getting Up And Moving - Take a couple of long, slow deep breaths. With each deep breath, feel energy coming into your body and radiating outward with each exhale. Smile confidently. Swing your legs around, take another deep, energizing breath, stand up confidently and smile.

Ask yourself, What Are You Going To Explore, Enjoy & Experience? What Are You Going To Appreciate & Achieve? What Are You Going To Accomplish So You Feel Good At The End Of The Day?

Priorities Are Key. Identify What Is Truly Most Important And Work On That Task. Don’t get distracted by busy work that allows you to avoid addressing important goals.

Planning Previews Success – Think carefully about what you want to achieve and the time and resources you have to accomplish it. Planning is a preview of your success. Make Planning Previews Part Of Your Process.

Avoid The Fault Finding Feel Goods, Turn Negative Judgments Into Positive Actions and Avoid All UnNecessary, NonProductive Negativity.

You will be amazed how much better and more confident you feel.

Tags: happiness habit, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Criticism, Control and Happiness

Friday, August 28th, 2009

CriticismControlNoText-drea

Criticism And Control Occur So Frequently Together They Are Practically Synonymous.

Criticism Is Almost Always A Power Play.

People criticize to try to assert their superiority, power and to gain control of people, situations and interactions.

Critics assert control by planting doubts and disparaging or damaging ideas in people’s minds. They may or may not be factually correct or beneficial.

Criticism Is Corrosive.

Criticism leaves people deflated, demoralized, confused and uncertain about what they should do. That’s often the critic’s intent. Critics like to leave people feeling badly and powerless, that’s how they exert power and control.

If you can get a person to doubt themselves, their ideas or their abilities, it’s easier to control them, dominate them or at least get them to defer to your desires.

Doubt is often all you need to dominate and dissuade others from differing with you.

Criticism Is Counterproductive.

Criticism focuses on what’s bad, wrong or unattractive.

Calling something is bad does not describe what is good. Saying something is wrong does not express what is right or desirable. Describing what you don’t want does not not communicate what you do want.

Criticism only helps to the extent it expresses what to avoid. Criticism does NOT present clear descriptions of successful solutions, strategies or what you can do to improve.

Criticism Is Often A Deliberate Distraction – Critics criticize to derail other people’s success. Deflecting or dealing with criticism takes time, energy, attention and resources from positive, important activities. It’s easy to find yourself worrying about what critics say is wrong rather than focusing on what is truly important to you.

Focus On What You Want To Achieve, Articulate Benefits.

Habitually Happy people focus on what they want to achieve. They can describe why it is desirable, beneficial or attractive. Clear goals help define the steps to attain them.

They spend just enough time with wrongs so they can rapidly recognize and reject bad things. They then redirect their attention, energy and enthusiasm to positive activities that help them build happiness and spiritual success.

Focusing on why they are working and striving for their goals reinforces their desire and drive to achieve them.

Recognize Criticism for What It Usually Is – A Corrosive, Counterproductive Power Play.

Treat criticism like any other Negative Judgment: Ask can it help me in some way? If YES, turn those negative judgments into positive action items. If NO, don’t give critics your time, attention or concern.

Focus On What You Want To Achieve.
Enjoy Your Progress And Eventual Success.

Tags: criticism control, happiness habit, happiness secret, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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What Are Habitually Happy People?

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

happy2person-00 We all know a few special people who always seem to be truly UP, energized and happy. They light up a room and our lives with their presence.

They seem to be having a good time all of the time and continually radiate genuine joy.

They are very loving people. They love life, they love what they do and they love the people around them, they love themselves.

They live without prejudices and embrace the entire world eagerly.
They have high integrity. We trust, admire and respect them.
They are good decision makers and leaders.
They are high achievers who love creative challenges.
They always enthusiastically try to do their best, be their best and encourage others to be their best too.
They refuse to let difficulties or problems distress or bother them.
When they are down, it never seems to last for long.

Enthusiasm, Energy, Achievement, Integrity, Happiness and Joy Characterize Their Lives.

You know some of these special people. They are not the most prominent or powerful people we know but they certainly are the happiest. We may wish we knew how to be more like them.

Happiness Habit interviewed and studied Habitually Happy, genuinely joyous people from all different walks of life and life situations. We identified the key Values, Beliefs, Habits, Ideals and Boundaries characteristic of happy thought. We call these special qualities Happiness Habits.

If you choose to adopt and practice Happiness Habits, you too will become happy or happier despite what is happening to you and around you.

Explore and Enjoy HappinessHabit.com, HappinessBlog.com and HappinessInHardTimes.com Comment on our postings. Share your thoughts and insights.

Wishing you great happiness and spiritual success,
Michele Moore and the Happiness Habit® Team

Tags: habitually happy, happiness habit, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Happiness Habit Research

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

happybeaker Over a period of several years, Happiness Habit interviewed and studied habitually happy, genuinely joyous people from many different walks of life and personal situations.

We studied and interviewed people who were cheerfully facing terminal illnesses, job losses and major life challenges.

We intentionally omitted people who seemed happy primarily because of success or good things happening to them, what we term “situational happiness”.

Our goal was to identify and articulate the key values, beliefs, ideals, habits and boundaries that lead to happiness and spiritual success and explain why they work so well.

We call these key qualities Happiness Habits.

Experience has shown that when people consciously choose to adopt and practice Happiness Habits they become happy or happier despite what is happening to them or around them.

Our goal is to share these key happiness skills summarized in simple statements what we call Coaching Credos that are easy to recall and apply.

If Happiness Habit® concepts are:

1) Consistent with what most people know and believe to be true about happiness. You decide.

2) Consistent with the best current scientific and academic research. They are.

3) Effective, actually help people live happier more spiritually successful lives. You decide.

Then the validity of our approach is proven.

Explore and enjoy our Happiness Habit websites and decide for yourself!

Tags: happiness habit, happiness research, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Be Cool Like Barack Obama

Friday, January 16th, 2009

Do You Want To Be Cool Like Barack Obama?

A Key Happiness Habit is:

Don’t hand control of your thoughts, actions or feelings over to outside forces or people who try to hurt or harass you.

Don’t Give Them Emotional Control Over You.

Decide How You Are Going To Think, Act and Feel.

Choose Your Mood and Your Attitude.

Emotional Independence, Freedom and Balance are key Happiness Habits.

This does NOT mean that you don’t get angry or that you don’t decide to take decisive corrective action when necessary.

It does mean you weigh options carefully, decide when and how you will act and that you don’t just automatically react in anger.

Choose the timing, the place and substance of your response.

We all have an Optimal Best Self – a sweet spot or optimal zone where we feel our best, do our best and perform our best. Habitually Happy people try to maintain their optimal Best Self State all of the time. Getting angry and irrational is not part of their process.

Much has been written about Barack Obama’s Cool calm demeanor. His actions and reactions epitomize Emotional Independence. He decides how he will act, react and project himself. He doesn’t let outside forces control his emotions easily.

If you let another person make you angry, you’re giving them control of your thoughts, actions, feelings and your well-being. Don’t do it!

The next time someone tries to hook you into an angry response, simply think, “I’m not giving you control.” It’s that easy.

This does not mean stuffing your feelings or suppressing your emotions. It means not giving them control over you, your attention or your emotions.

Channel Anger To Achieve Positive Goals.

Choose Emotional Independence and Spiritual Freedom. It’s that easy. Decide how you’re going to act, don’t simply react to them. Take command and lead them where you want to go. Make this a Happiness Habit.

Don’t give them control.

It’s a great way to stay cool and happy!

Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com for more happiness insights!

Tags: calm obama, cool obama, emotional independence, happiness habit, michele moore, spiritual freedom
Posted in Happiness Notes | 2 Comments »

YOUR Best

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

We’re often asked how trying to do your best brings happiness…

Habitually Happy People Continually Try To Do Their Best, Feel Their Best, Be Their Best All Of The Time. Their Best keeps getting better.

It’s a direct application of The First Law of Happiness: Our Focus Determines Our Feelings. When we focus our attention on things we find bad, we feel sad, angry or anxious.

When We Think About Good Things We Feel Elevated, Excited, Energized. Our Focus Of Attention Determines Our Feelings.

If you’ve ever had a mediocre day when you just didn’t feel like putting forth a good effort and didn’t, you know the truth of this phrase.

When we don’t bother to try to do a good job and get only mediocre results, we feel pretty mediocre too.

Habitually Happy people continually energize themselves with thoughts of themselves doing their best at whatever it is they are doing.

Clear Goals Help Define The Steps To Attain Them.

Because they are thinking about doing well, they are able to do well and they feel well. Thinking about doing YOUR best provides a path to continually improve your performance.

The Key Word Here Is YOUR Best, Not Someone Else’s Best.

Learn all you can from other people’s superb performances and then try to do YOUR best. It’s the best you can realistically do.

Comparisons to superior star performers are often purposeless and painful for no reason. What good does it do to judge in comparison with the best unless you pull positive actions items for personal improvement from the process?

Powerful positive images of what you want to achieve are inspiring and invigorating. Working hard to achieve a worthwhile goal is satisfying and stimulating.

When you know you have done YOUR best you can let go of results on some level knowing you can do no more.

Continually Trying To Do YOUR Best Is A Key To Happiness.

Try To Do YOUR Best, Be Your Best, Feel Your Best All Of The Time.