2009 « Happiness Blog

Archive for 2009

Holiday Happiness In Hard Times

Holidays can be extraordinarily happy even when you are experiencing hard times. Here’s how to enjoy the holidays when you are hurting.

Be Honest About Where You Are, Decide To Be Deliberately Different – Consciously deciding to change and do things differently helps cut painful connections with the past. Different can be very delightful, deliberately deciding to do things differently can be very liberating. HoldiayHapiness-dreamstimef

Joy Has NO Price Tag – Our greatest joys don’t come from gifts of material things. The people, memories, experiences and magic moments that bring us the most joy are not tangible items. Recall sources of joy in the past and recreate them in new and different ways.

Create a Colonial Christmas – imagine what Christmas was like 250 years ago for the first settlers of our country. Create a 1760’s Christmas – simple, joyous, special. Decorate using free, natural items: pine cones, evergreen limbs, pop corn strings.

Cut simple decorative shapes from colored paper or old magazines. Enjoy candles with mirrors. Look for bonfires if you don’t have a fireplace.

Consider Exchanging Care Coupons – Create and decorate coupons for the intangible gifts your loved ones will value the most:

This coupon is good for one hour of help with anything you ask – I promise to work hard happily, enthusiastically and energetically.

This coupon is good for one hour of undivided, uninterrupted time together doing exactly what you want to do. I promise to give my full, undivided, sincere, enthusiastic attention and appreciation to you and whatever you decide to do.

Create a Another Country’s Non Commercial, Cultural Christmas – What Christmas would be like if you were living in a Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist country? Or in a simple village in Latin America? Mongolia? Ethiopia? Learn about other cultures, recreate one for a memorable, enjoyable holiday.

Emphasize Enjoyable Experiences – Look for experiences that bring happiness and joy in the holiday season.

End Extravagant Expectations – Money does not buy a joyful holiday.

See Stabs Of Self Pity As An SOS – Immediately redirect your time, energy and attention toward thoughts, actions, objectives and activities that will help you to build happiness and spiritual success.

Enjoy Natural Beauty – Take walks. Savor, enjoy and appreciate the beauty around you: the special smells, the fresh air on your face, the spectacular sunsets you were always too busy to watch.

Assess Reality Accurately, Don’t Get Carried Away – Don’t diminish holiday joy by over spending, over eating or over compensating for any difficulties, it’s not necessary.

Strangers Can Offer Security And Safety – Family relationships and even long standing friendships can suddenly turn toxic over the holidays. New or different people change holiday dynamics and interactions. Changing the place, time and theme of holiday celebrations can help break bad ruts.

Begin Your New Year’s Resolutions Early – Whatever they are, begin now. Eat and drink healthily. Avoid excesses, too much rich food, alcohol. Too many sweets and starches can drive you nuts. Jump start your diet, exercise or personal development programs. Exercise aggressively. Eat wisely.

Continually Sparkle, Radiate and Set A Positive, Enthusiastic Holiday Tone – Consciously deciding to continually sparkle and radiate joy raises your spirits and the spirits of the people around you. Use holidays as an excuse to smile, speak and greet strangers warmly. Extend a genuine holiday welcome to everyone you meet.

Be Adventuresome And Creative – Decide to do things you haven’t done before, or decide to do them in very different ways.

There are lots of wonderful new ways to enjoy the holidays, find them, explore and enjoy them.

Look For Free Festive Activities With New People In New Places – Volunteering to help others often comes with free food and fun holiday festivities. Find free concerts, free special holiday events and religious activities. Learn about different cultures or religious groups. Visit a friend, relative or shut in who will relish your company.

Spend time really exploring, enjoying and savoring the holiday season and holiday decorations. Do things you were always too busy to do in the past. Make this holiday wonderfully different and it won’t be deficient.

Creativity Is A Key To Happiness In Ordinary Times, It Is Especially Important In Hard Times. Find Creative New Ways To Enjoy Your Holiday And Bring Joy To Others!

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Explore HappinessHabit.com and HappinessBlog.com. Our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors. Photograph from Dreamstime.com

Tags:happiness habit, happiness hard times, happiness tough times, holiday hard time, holiday tough time, michele moore
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Self Pity Stabs Happiness

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Stabs of self pity strike suddenly from time to time.

All we see are the wrongs, the inequities and the dreadful damage our difficulties have caused us.

A overwhelming surge of painful, debilitating self pity begins to set in.

Don’t let self pity overwhelm or over power you.

Stop Self Pity Before It Grows And Deepens

Don’t give those negative, debilitating thoughts and feelings any time and attention, all they will do is bring you down. They are non productive, unnecessary and dangerous. Self pity sabotages happiness and brings dreadful, dismal, downward spirals of despair.

Revolt and Rebel Against Self Pity
Refuse To Give Those Painful Thoughts Your Time And Attention

Self Pity SOS – Let self pity’s first twinges serve as an SOS to immediately redirect your thoughts, actions, energy and attention toward positive goals, activities and objectives that will help you to be happy and spiritually successful.

Don’t Let Self Pity Down Your Spirits
Don’t Give Self Pity Your Time or Attention

Negative judgments power all fear, emotional pain, anxiety and despair. Self pity is a super charged negative judgment.

The normal response is to ask, can these negative judgments help me in some way? If the answer is YES, turn the negative judgments into a series of positive action items and constructive steps that build happiness and spiritual success.

“I’m going to be late!” is an anxiety producing negative judgment that can help you if you turn it into a series of positive actions items: I will stop what I am doing, watch the clock carefully, collect my things and get ready to walk out the door at least three minutes early.

If the answer is NO, discard the negative judgments and refocus your time and attention on activities that will help you achieve your goals, be happy and spiritually successful. The negative judgments are making you miserable for no reason.

Stabs of self pity signal an immediate jump to this NO response. Self pity rarely contains any positive action items that can help you to triumph and be happy. Feeling sorry for yourself is debilitating, dismal and no fun. Stop it before it grows and deepens.

When Stabs Of Self Pity Strike, Immediate Redirect Your Thoughts And Attention Toward Positive, Exciting, Encouraging Thoughts, Actions And Activities That Will Help You Succeed And Be Happy.

Tags:happiness habit, happiness secret, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Rebellion Is Key To Happiness

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A spirit of revolt and rebellion is important to happiness in normal times, it is especially important during difficult times.

Revolt and rebel against giving bad things and difficult people control of your feelings.

Don’t help them hurt you.

Don’t let them get you down, upset you or steal your time and attention.

Revolt and Rebel against giving them control of your feelings.

We are truly at our best and able to perform our best when we are Up, confident, energized, enthusiastic and happy. We want to continually try to be at our best so we can perform our best.

We don’t want to let bad circumstances or difficult people distract or detract from our ability to do well.

Continually Trying To Do Your Best, Feel Your Best And Be At Your Best Is A Key Happiness Habit.

Habitually happy people don’t like to hand control of their thoughts, actions or feelings over to people or circumstances that distress, depress, distract or demoralize them. They like to remain emotionally independent and spiritually free.

They revolt and rebel against giving bad things control of their feelings. They use pleasant experiences, interactions and people to elevate their feelings but they don’t let bad thing tear them down.

If you allow some jerk to make you angry, you have given then control of your feelings. You are allowing then to steal your time, your attention and your emotional well-being.

Instead, simply say to yourself, “I am NOT giving you control of my feelings. I am NOT giving you the power to hurt me. I will deal with you at a time and place that is good for me. I am not going to allow you to distract, distress, depress or demoralize me.” This is a learned skill that gets more powerful with practice.

It’s important to emphasize this does not mean revolt and rebel against the situation itself, which may or may not be a good idea. We often have to be conciliatory and comply in order to survive and succeed. It does mean not giving bad things the power to hurt you. See Happiness In Hard Times – Revolt and Rebel for more insights.

Revolt and rebel against giving bad things and difficult people control of your feelings. Don’t let them get you down, distract, depress or upset you or steal your time and attention.

Refocus your time and attention on activities that will help you to succeed, be happy and do well.

Tags:happiness habits, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Feeling Overwhelmed?

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When you are feeling overwhelmed and over powered by all the things you have to do, how can you stay sane, focused, balanced, confident, effective and happy?

Break Important Tasks Down Into Small, Specific Steps or Sections That Are Easy To Visualize And Achieve During A Short, Definite Period of Time.

Work As Hard As You Can, Complete That Step. Stop And Celebrate Success.

Assess your progress in terms of your larger goals and the time you have to attain them. Decide what to do next and how long you will spend on it.

Work as hard as you can, complete that step, stop, celebrate success, assess your progress and plan your next steps.

Great Achievements Are Built Through A Series of Very Small, Specific, Successful Steps.

If You Still Feel Overwhelmed, Break The Step Down Into Even Smaller, Shorter, Easy To Visualize And Achieve Steps or Actions.

Working Hard Is Energizing And Empowering – It Incites A Delight And Drive To Get Things Done. Urgency creates energy, determination, drive, decisiveness and focus. See work as an exciting series of successful achievements leading to valued goals, not a dreadful burden.

If You Can’t Face Getting Up And Moving – Take a couple of long, slow deep breaths. With each deep breath, feel energy coming into your body and radiating outward with each exhale. Smile confidently. Swing your legs around, take another deep, energizing breath, stand up confidently and smile.

Ask yourself, What Are You Going To Explore, Enjoy & Experience? What Are You Going To Appreciate & Achieve? What Are You Going To Accomplish So You Feel Good At The End Of The Day?

Priorities Are Key. Identify What Is Truly Most Important And Work On That Task. Don’t get distracted by busy work that allows you to avoid addressing important goals.

Planning Previews Success – Think carefully about what you want to achieve and the time and resources you have to accomplish it. Planning is a preview of your success.

Make Planning Previews Part Of Your Project’s Process.

Avoid The Fault Finding Feel Goods, Turn Negative Judgments Into Positive Actions and Avoid All UnNecessary, NonProductive Negativity.

You Will Feel Much Better And More Confident.

Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Links to our website and pages are welcomed! Please note our materials may NOT be published, broadcast, redistributed or rewritten without written permission from the authors. Explore HappinessHabit.com for more happiness quotes and insights.

Tags:happiness habit, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Bouncing Back Quickly, Powerfully

BouncingBall-01 Disasters and deep disappointments are an inevitable part of life. Here are secrets to bouncing back quickly and powerfully:

Focus on Fixes – Ask yourself, what can you do to correct the problem, ensure it doesn’t happen again, gain from your pain, learn, grow, strengthen your skills and power to build happiness and future success?

Don’t Beat Yourself Up, Blame, Complain or Criticize! Focusing on where you are now and what’s wrong keeps you stuck in the problem and misery. Focusing on what you want to do differently and where you want to go in the future helps you to grow and achieve it.

We don’t feel better by blaming, beating ourselves up or by focusing on problems. Beating ourselves up reinforces errors we want to avoid. It focuses time and attention on what’s wrong, not on building new skills and strategies that bring happiness and future success.

We Bounce Back by embracing our goals, our Best Selves and by focusing on what we want to achieve and do differently and then working hard to attain it.

Turn Anguish Into Achievement – Turn anger, regret and anguish into positive actions that improve the situation and help you to be happy and more effective in the future.

Worrying about problems is very different from solving or resolving problems. Regret and remorse do not always cause reform. Desire and Determination To Do Things Differently Bring Positive Change.

Ask yourself, Is being upset helping me to fix the problem or to be more effective in the future? How long do I want to be upset? How miserable do I want to be and for how long?

Rebounding Rapidly: Think about how will you feel when the problem is behind you, when you have successfully rebounded. Visualize yourself successfully recovered from the problem. Feel those powerful positive feelings, embrace and project them. Practice feeling and being in rebound mode until it becomes habit.

We Can Rebound More Quickly By Focusing On How We Will Feel When We Have Rebounded From The Difficulty And Then Consciously Taking On Those Attitudes And Perspectives. Bad things happen but they don’t have to make you miserable for long.

Our Best: We are truly at our best and able to perform our best when we are UP, confident, energized, focused and happy. Don’t tear yourself down, distract or distress yourself. Don’t detract from your ability to excel and do well.

See Yourself At Your Best, Feel Those Powerful, Confident Feelings And Project Them. They Will Become Genuinely Yours. More Bouncing Back

Tags:happiness habit, happiness secret, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Try To Have A GOOD Time ALL THE TIME

We are at our best and able to perform our best when we are Up, energized, enthusiastic and happy.

Habitually Happy People try to have a good time all of the time. They know this is the best way to perform well.

Summoning up energy, enthusiasm and determination to complete tasks well is just as important as defining good plans.

Decide what you are going to do and find ways to make work enjoyable, rewarding and meaningful. Fuel your life and your work with fun. When you make work fun you never have to toil again.

Loving your work, taking pride in what you do and finding ways to make it fun and fulfilling makes work flow effectively and efficiently.

“Ridiculous” cry critics, “You can’t expect to have fun and a good time all of the time!”

“I can!” Habitually Happy people reply, or “I can try.” “With an attitude like that you’ll never be truly happy!”

Habitually Happy People try to get the most from every moment, they try to have a good time all of the time. Because they try to find ways to enjoy life and work, they generally do.

They don’t allow themselves to waste time in self pity or in making their own misery. “Time spent in a down mood is time wasted” one happy person commented.

“You can choose your mood and attitude,” another happy person said, “I choose to try to be happy and feel good almost all of the time.”

They creatively reinvent tasks to make them fun, challenging and rewarding. They don’t tolerate down, distressed or dismal moods for long.

You Never Feel Better By Focusing On How Badly You Feel.

Explore, Enjoy And Employ Skills And Strategies Used By Habitually Happy People And Become Happier Yourself.

Make Happiness YOUR Habit!

Tags:happiness habits, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Can You REALLY Be Happy ALL of The Time?

SadFace Of Course Not! All the Habitually Happy people we interviewed and studied said they experienced sadness, grief, distress, regret and various forms of mental malaise just like the rest of us.

Habitually Happy people are not immune to difficulties, they are not unfeeling, they are not unrealistically happy during devastating disasters, death or difficult times.

The all report occasional unexplained down times, dismal drearies, sadness for no reason. They generally bounce back quickly and report unexplained sadness often clears within a day.

Habitually Happy People are masters of using the power of love, positive expressions and enthusiastic feelings to buoy their spirits and to energize and encourage people around them. They know how to make the very best out of difficult circumstances.

Since they consciously try to enjoy, appreciate and have a good time all the time, they generally do. This shortens and lessens their periods of sadness.

Remember, Depression Is A Big Business. A great deal of money is made from misery, misinformation and manipulation. Beware of falling into its marketing trap.

Here are some key Happiness Habit® insights that can help:

The First Law Of Happiness: Our Focus Determines Our Feelings. Focusing our time and attention on bad things makes us feel sad, angry, worried or distressed. Shifting our attention to good things makes us feel energized, excited and enthusiastic.

Moving from problems to positive, possible solutions usually makes everyone feel much better.

Focusing On Doing Good Things Makes Us Feel Good.

Whatever We Focus Our Minds On
Expands In Our Experience.
We Never Feel Better Focusing On How Badly We Feel.

Exercising Excites Energy And Enthusiasm. Get Moving!
Action, Activity & Achievement Are Energizing, Encouraging, Empowering.

Take Positive Steps To Shake Off Sadness.

Tags:happiness habits, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Try To Be YOUR Best All Of The Time

sunflower To be happy, practice doing YOUR best, feeling YOUR best and being YOUR best self all of the time.

This helps you feel your best.

It illustrates The First Law of Happiness: Our Focus Determines Our Feelings.

When we focus on things we think are bad, we feel sad, angry, anxious or depressed. Shifting our attention to good things makes us feel energized, excited and enthusiastic.

Make it your goal to do YOUR best, feel YOUR best and be YOUR best all of the time.

It’s important to emphasize it’s YOUR best and not someone else’s best. How do we do this?

We all occasionally enjoy special, magical days when we are feeling, thinking and performing at our very best.

Remember those days in vivid detail. Recall how you felt, acted and thought. Describe it in clear, specific detail. People often say…

“My mind is alert, sharp, focused, I am able to concentrate very well. A relaxed powerful energy is flowing through my body. My spirit seems to soar with joy. My concentration is intense without my body feeling tense.”

Remember one of those special days, recall your thoughts and feelings. Feel the rhythm and beat of that marvelous, positive energy flowing through your body. Connect with those feelings and take them on for yourself. Project them and they will be yours.

You can’t be at your best while thinking about how badly you feel!

See yourself performing YOUR best, feeling YOUR best and thinking YOUR best. Feel those feelings, step into that zone, project those feelings and they will be genuinely yours.

You can now be at your best whenever you wish!

It’s a great way to be happy.

Tags:happiness habits, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Don’t Beat Yourself UP!

Don’t Beat Yourself UP!

You Have To Be At Your Best To Perform Your Best.

Tearing Yourself Down Is Distracting, It Destroys Your Confidence And Detracts From Your Ability To Do Well.

Beating Yourself Up is very counterproductive.

You’re spending all your time, energy and attention focusing on what went wrong and how terrible it is and then you are burning it into your memory with lots of negative energy.

No time or attention is spent on identifying, learning and strengthening skills and strategies that will help you avoid the error in the future and build success and happiness.

Why do we Beat Ourselves Up?

When we were little, parents and authority figures may have punished us to protect us from the dangers of wrongdoing.

If we ran into a busy street without looking, we may have received a spank on the rump to discourage us from doing it again.

Punishment Causes Pain And Pain Prompts Avoidance.

What we really need to learn is to recognize there is danger, stop, look carefully both ways before we cross a busy street. Beating yourself up doesn’t teach the skills we need to survive and be safe and successful in the future.

On some level we also may have learned the wrong lesson, that beating ourselves up is the way to improve our performance and make ourselves better – so we do it to ourselves.

By focusing on where we are and what’s we did wrong we stay stuck. We reinforce our errors by rehearsing and reliving them in our minds

Beating Yourself Up Reinforces Errors You Want To Avoid.

Remorse and Regret do not necessarily bring Reform.

By focusing on where we want to go and what we want to do differently in the future, we grow.

Channel Anger And Anguish Over Errors And Mistakes Toward Fixing Problems And Identifying And Practicing Skills That Will Make You Successful And Happy In The Future.

Tags:happiness habits, happiness secrets, happy life, happy people, michele moore
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Avoid The Fault Finding Feel Goods

The Fault Finding Feel Goods are one of the biggest barriers to happiness and spiritual success. Avoid them if you want to be happy.

What are the Fault Finding Feel Goods?

The Fault Finding Feel Goods are all those terribly tempting tendencies to criticize, blame, complain or judge to elevate ourselves and our self esteem.

The Fault Finding Feel Goods make us feel good on some level by putting other things or other people down.

The problem is that we’re focusing on negatives and that’s not the way to happiness or to spiritual success!

Since we feel good by complaining about what is wrong, we have no vested interest in trying to help improve it or change it.

This means we tend to stay stuck in our negativity and to continue wallowing in wrongs.

The Fault Finding Feel Goods take many forms… blame, complaints, judgmental criticism, ridicule and bigotry.

Have you ever met a critic who seemed really happy? Their primary source of joy is putting something or someone else down.

Recognize and Reject the Fault Finding Feel Goods if you want to be happy and spiritually successful.

Refocus your time and attention on positive, inspiring thoughts and actions that will help you to achieve, succeed and be happy.