Posts Tagged ‘happiness’
Positive Psychology is very popular in American academia today.
Positive psychologists believe we can all be happy or happier by being more positive.
They suggest we substitute more positive judgments for negative ones, spend time on Gratitude Lists and journal good things that happen in our lives.
They believe the more time we spend focusing on positives over negatives, the happier we will be.
They preach the Gospel of Learned Optimism, that we can learn to be more optimistic in our assessments of life and be happier.
The Positive Psychology Happiness Formula is:
Positive Judgments => Produce Happiness
Negative Judgments => Mean Misery
Therefore More Positive Judgments Mean More Happiness
While there is some truth to this statement (it is a variant of the First Law of Happiness – Our Focus Determines Our Feelings) they overlook a number of key points:
The first is optimism can cause us to overlook or ignore important danger signals and warning signs that help us thrive and survive. We are told we just need to be more positive, to see more benefits and fewer threats. This can be dangerous.
The Happiness Habit model is very different. Habitually Happy people assess reality very accurately and take decisive and often very creative action. Once they are confident they have made good decisions, they put the full force of positive expectations behind their plans and drive to excel and do well.
They know the dangers of excessive optimism and react accordingly.
More importantly, Habitually Happy people don’t ignore misery. They know misery has messages and meaning.
Misery Is Meant To Make Us Move
Misery is meant to make us move and take action – it is a signal something needs to change or is changing.
Misery means we need to change what we are doing, how we think, how we feel or all perhaps all three. If our world is changing, we need to change to adapt, adjust and end our misery.
Stuffing, ignoring or replacing negative signals with learned optimism is not a universal route to happiness and spiritual success.
When our heart, gut, soul and being are screaming something is wrong, it’s not wise to try to pretend everything is fine.
Examine those negative feelings, understand what they are saying and react accordingly. Are threats real or merely effects of past conditioning, environment and experience? Can we turn those negatives into positives?
Assess Reality Accurately. Explore and Appreciate What Negative Feelings Are Trying to Say.
Be Decisive, Make Effective Decisions. Put The Full Force of Positive Expectations Behind All Your Plans.
Use a Drive To Excel and Do Well to Propel You to Happiness and Spiritual Success.
Try To Enjoy and Make The Most of Each and Every Moment.
Be Realistic, Not Blind.
See HappinessHabit.com for more information about happiness and spiritual success.
Copyright © 1999- Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:habitually happy, happier, happiness, happiness habit, happy life, happy people, michele moore, positive psychology
Posted in Happiness News | 6 Comments »
The path to happiness is universal, open to everyone, everywhere.
But is making happiness our top priority right for everyone?
Should we all put happiness first in our personal, family and business lives or do other priorities weigh in as more important? That’s for each of us to decide.
For some of us other things are more important than happiness… security, social significance, power, prominence, or perhaps creativity or making a lasting, important, indelible impact or contribution.
The world is a far richer, more delightful place because of Steve Jobs. His vision and determined dedicated leadership have changed the world. One would not say he has taken the traditional route to happiness.
No doubt he has achieved great happiness but in different, unusual ways.
We all can’t be Steve Jobs and Steve Jobs needs the rest of us doing what we are doing for his business model to succeed.
There are many different paths to happiness, but the qualities and characteristics of a happy life remain constant.
Money, success and power take precedence over happiness for many people. Many people could easily have both if the knew how to balance the two.
Greatness in any field requires sacrifices, but it also definitely has its rewards.
We can be happy and great at what we do. The truly great allow happiness to help propel their exuberant zeal to excel and do well.
Explore HappinessHabit.com for additional happiness resources.
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness resources, happy, happy life, happy people, michele moore, steve jobs
Posted in Happiness Notes | 1 Comment »
A Drive to Do Well and Excel Are Keys to both Happiness and Greatness!
Habitually happy people want to do their best, feel their best, be their best all the time.
They also continually and creatively look for ways to make their best even better.
This is the same mindset described as the keys to Greatness by Fortune Magazine.
The article discusses recent studies of people who have excelled in their sport or profession, examining what it takes to be great.
The good news is… greatness in a skill, sport or profession does not come from natural talents or gifts. Greatness is open to any and all of us.
Greatness comes from rugged, rigorous hard work and a determined drive and desire to continually improve our skills.
The same principles hold true for happiness. By continually and creatively finding ways to live more happily and successfully, we can grow our happiness and spiritual success.
For more insights and happiness resources see HappinessHabit.com
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:greatness, habitually happy, happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy life, happy people, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | 2 Comments »
Valentine’s Day Is a Reminder to Love… Ourselves and Others, Every day.
If you’re in a relationship… it’s a special, exciting day! Think of all the wonderful, kind, loving things you’ll do – choose one and decide to do it every day from now on.
Put a little Valentine’s Day in every day.
Maybe it’s beginning each day with a smile, a hug and an “I love you.” Or replacing one indifferent or distant habit with love and affection. Welcome them at the door or ask about their day and really listen.
One simple, small thing to add affection and care all year round.
Single, On Your Own?
Give yourself big hugs all day and enjoy the warmth of each loving, happy hug. Feel love in your heart, make a special effort to radiate it to everyone around you.
Enjoy, appreciate and delight in who you are and what you do. Resolve to do this at least once a day, every day from now on.
Enjoy and relish your own company, plan to take yourself out for a nice meal another, quieter day. Enjoy a solo adventure.
There’s a marvelous freedom and power in being happy on your own, in creating and carrying your own happiness within you where ever you go.
Reject myths saying we need a “relationship” to make us happy and complete, messages that make singles feel defective, needy and dependent. They say we should look to others for happiness when its true source lies within ourselves.
It’s the loving relationships and loving communities we create around us daily that bring expansive, enduring joy. They can easily be extensive, everywhere.
We can’t be happy in a “relationship” when we are not happy on our own. Resolve to love yourself and be happy on your own, right now.
For Everyone…
Make a special effort to radiate love and joy to everyone around you. Smile, seek out someone who is lonely and despondent, give them a special hug, remind them they are loved.
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy relationship, joy, love, michele moore, valentine
Posted in Happiness Notes | 3 Comments »
The Best Way to Excel and Do Well At Anything
Is To Cultivate A Love For It
.
Love And Exuberant Zeal Propel
Happiness and Success.
People who are at the top of their profession or calling truly love what they do and devote their entire life, their soul, their being to it.
They are determined to be the best. Lasting, remarkable success doesn’t happen by accident or with sloppiness.
Star performers have decided to be different in some way, to add a new artistry, invention, dimension, perspective or approach to their endeavors.
They are not just the same as everyone else and better. They are different, creative, distinctive.
Preeminence has its perils. A top coach complained success had made her hard because of the back biting, infighting and sabotage within her sport. Jealous, envious people can be very hateful.
Your colleagues are competitors. You can’t count on affirmation, support or admiration from people you consistently beat. Hurt causes hardness, sometimes even hatred.
Protect yourself from pain and be happy with your success without becoming hard. Reposition your attitudes, view bad antics as sick, dysfunctional and pathetic. Feel sorry for them.
Envy and Jealousy Are Marks of Losers!
Embrace the love you feel for your sport, endeavor or profession. You are the best because you have worked harder and added more than the others.
Truly successful people look at great performers, admire them, support them, emulate them and try to learn all they can from them. Losers discredit, devalue or subvert winner’s successes.
There’s a reason why winners rise to the top while losers stay stuck below them. Backbiting, infighting and subversion become more important than love of excellence and the endeavor.
There’s a huge difference between striving to deliver an exceptional performance and wanting to beat someone. Winners love to embrace the very best, losers often try to hurt. Expect people you beat to be unhappy.
Don’t look for affirmation or admiration from competitors. It will come from people who appreciate what you do, understand how hard you work and have hearts as strong and as good as yours.
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy, love, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | No Comments »
Pride Is One of the Most Important and Misunderstood Aspects of Happiness
Pride in a job well done, pride in doing the right thing, in your accomplishments, your integrity or in the family you raised, are all very positive and healthy.
Pride Is An Important Part of Feeling Good About Ourselves, It Is a Healthy Part of Happiness.
Pride can also be a very bad, dangerous defect. What’s the difference? Here are some examples…
False Pride – Places too much emphasis on what other people may think or how they may react. Other people’s opinions of us run our lives. We become directed by fears and concerns about what other people think. False pride can prevent us from seeking and accepting the help we need to survive and thrive. False pride can cause us to try too hard to impress other people.
Superior Pride – Raises people up and places them above others, separating and isolating them with an inflated sense of self importance. We all know people with stuck up superior pride, they are attractive only to themselves. Their attitude says, “I am better than you and the rest of the world.”
Perfectionistic Pride – Demands that things be perfect in order to be acceptable and that we accept only the very best. Anything less is inferior and unworthy. Perfectionistic pride wastes time, resources and destroys happiness. It is exclusive and exclusionary. Perfectionistic pride limits our willingness to explore, try new things, to enjoy differences.
Each of These Negative Forms of Pride Defeat Our Desires to Be Happy and Spiritually Successful. Recognize and reject them and replace them with happy, successful responses.
How Do We Decide If Pride Is Positive or Perverse? Ask, is it helpful or hurtful? Does our pride expand and enhance our lives and opportunities or does it limit them? Is it a genuine expression of love, delight and affection? Or is it a twisted, limiting, false elevation and pseudo enhancement of self?
Trumpeting Triumphs is Not Bragging! Celebrating successes, trumpeting triumphs and delighting in good deeds all motivate us to do more and are important to happiness, enthusiasm and success. Bragging is very different. Bragging says, “I am better than you are…!”
Trumpet Triumphs, Celebrate Successes, Delight in Good Deeds, All Are Part of Healthy Pride and Are Keys to Happiness and Spiritual Success!!!!
For more see: Happiness Habit.com
Copyright © 1999 – , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness habits, happy, michele moore, pride
Posted in Happiness News, Happiness Notes | 1 Comment »
Empathy Is Essential To Happiness
Empathy means we can sympathize and identify with other people’s pain,
situations and feelings.
Empathy is the core of compassion.
Empathy means we care about others, that we have concern for their welfare and well-being.
Habitually happy people characteristically exhibit abundant love and empathy. They genuinely care about people and the world around them. Love truly does propel happiness.
The More We Love, The Greater Our Happiness. Where there is no love, there is no happiness.
The empty, apathetic angst that characterizes the affluent and arrogant amplifies this truth.
People who place themselves above and apart from the rest of the world rarely experience the love, happiness or joy that flows so easily to people who eagerly embrace the entire world.
Evil people may love, but their love is limited and conditional.
The Best Way To Prosper Is To Help Others Prosper.
The Best Way To Be Loved Is To Love.
The Best Way To Be Happy Is To
Delight In Helping Others To Be Happy,
Especially Those Who Are Less Fortunate Than You!
For more Happiness Habits see HappinessHabit.com
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:empathy, happiness, happiness habit, happy, love, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | 1 Comment »
Happiness Lessons From the Godfather
The Godfather movie trilogy illustrates many valuable Business and Leadership lessons.
It also illustrates some very important Happiness Habits, most importantly, the Dangers of Departing from Goodness.
In the beginning of Part I, young Michael Corleone is happy, idealistic and moral. He comes home from WWII as a hero. He wants to stay clean and clear of the family “business.”
He stayed happy and clean until his father’s life and “business” were threatened. He changed direction and killed two people.
As the trilogy continues, Michael is drawn deeper and deeper into violence, criminal dominance, alienation from goodness and separation from his family.
When the Godfather Part III ends, Michael is alone. He has it all financially, but nothing spiritually or emotionally. He has lost his family, his loved ones and himself. He is empty and desolate.
He has supreme success in a life of crime. In time, a rival may kill him and end his misery. What does he have to live for? To look forward to? To strive for?
Don’t Depart From Goodness
Make Goodness Your Guiding Goal
Always Try To Do Your Best, Be Your Best, Follow The Best Path You Know
No matter how things turn out, you know you did your best and you could do no more. You are blameless and your conscience will be clear. A clear conscience is central to all happiness and spiritual success.
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:godfather, happiness, happiness lessons, happy, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News, Happiness Notes | 1 Comment »
Forgiveness Means Not Letting
Past Pain Determine Present
Or Future Actions
Forgiveness Offers Freedom –
Freedom From Pain
Freedom of Thought And Action
Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Forget,
Stuffing Our Feelings Or
Letting Others Hurt Us Again
Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Failing To Fight For What Is Right And Good
Holding On To Resentments And Grievances IS A Decision To Suffer And Make Others Suffer
Resentments and revenge ruin and run present and future moments. Resentment allows past pain to control us, our feelings and actions. That’s not the way to happiness and spiritual success.
Happy people don’t hold on to misery. They resolve to learn from bad experiences, gain from their pain and move forward. Unnecessary suffering is masochistic, inflicting pain on others sadistic.
Forgiveness does not mean “Door Mat.” People who don’t fight for their rights and freedom loose them!
None of the great religious or spiritual leaders in history were wimps. They all took strong stands and fought for their beliefs. Habitually Happy people are NOT Wimps. They do refuse to be controlled by past pain. They resolve to let pain go quickly.
They make good decisions based on accurate assessments of reality, worthwhile goals and positive intentions.
Forgiveness Means Not Letting Past Pain Control Present And Future Actions. It Offers Freedom From Pain And Angry Decisions. Forgiveness Does NOT Mean Forget. It Does NOT Mean Failing To Fight For What Is Right!
See Happiness Habit for more happiness insights and wisdom.
Copyright © 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:forgiveness, happiness, happiness habit, happy, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | 2 Comments »
Some people enjoy being mean. Evil people enjoy causing hurt and harm, it gives them a sense of power, control and superiority.
They may hide your keys, snicker while you search for them and blame you for not being better organized. Benign? It costs you time and emotional well-being.
Empowered, evil tyrants like Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot kill millions of people without regret.
They have no consciences, no guilt, no remorse or empathy, no care about right or wrong. They do whatever they please, their only concern is getting caught or being stopped.
Law enforcement and medical professionals call them psychopaths, sociopaths, antisocial. They are at least 4% of our population.
They are often very articulate, charming, attractive and likable. This makes them very dangerous. They look and act normal but they have no morals, no concern for anyone but themselves.
They are adept at hiding their true feelings and evil intentions. They are criminals, con artists, psychopathic ceos, corporate bullys, petty tyrants.
Good people don’t believe people can be so evil and do such evil things and still seem so normal.
This is how and why happy, healthy people are repeatedly taken in and victimized by their psychopathic manipulations and deceptions.
Evil people look like fine, upstanding citizens. Church involvement can provide convenient covers for their criminal activities.
Happy, Healthy, Successful People Beware:
Psychopaths often target the best and the brightest and try to humiliate and subjugate people who are better than they are. They love to dominate, control and destroy people who outshine or out perform them. Why People Are Targeted
Their haughty delusions of grandeur are driven by deep seated and well earned fears of inferiority.
Protection from Evil Psychopaths:
1) Recognize there are very sick, evil people who appear normal, kind, caring and considerate. They have no empathy or concern for anyone but themselves. Sociopaths are sadistic. They get pleasure from causing pain, especially to good people.
2) Power, Control and Superiority are their needs. They want to hurt you and they don’t want to be exposed. They blame you for the evil they’re doing and they want you to take responsibility for it and blame yourself as well.
3) Humiliation and Subjugation are their goals. If they can make you mad, look crazy or bad, you’ve played right into their hands.
4) Emotional Independence – Choose your mood, attitude and actions based on what’s best for you. Don’t give them control of your thoughts, actions or feelings. Don’t give them the control and dominance they crave.
5) Protect Yourself Physically and Mentally – don’t let them depress, distress or endanger you. Don’t let their evil dominate your life.
6) Shine Brightly – Strength, Genuine Goodness and Spiritual Success Are Your Best Defenses!
For more Happiness Habits see HappinessHabit.com
Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:evil, evil people, goodness, happiness, happiness habit, happy, mean, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | 1 Comment »
What makes for happy, successful lives and relationships?
Friendship, Trust and Teamwork
There is no greater gift than to help a person achieve their goals.
Good happy relationships help people achieve their goals and their dreams!
“But we’re so different!” is a frequent concern. People who work, live or spend time together happily and successfully grow together over time. We are enriched by differences and learn from them.
Key questions to ask…
- Are our goals the same? Do we want to achieve the same things? Do we want to travel to the same destinations in five, ten and twenty years?
- Is my life truly better with them or without them?
- Are our values the same?
- Are we compatible, do we enjoy spending time together?
- Do I have FUN with this person? Do they make me laugh?
Do Your Homework Before Becoming Involved
Spend time building friendship, trust and teamwork. If you can’t do it early in a relationship, you probably won’t be able to do it later once your emotions are hooked.
There’s a big problem with allowing sexuality to drive relationships. A person who is inappropriate but sexually attractive draws us into situations that are not good for us. The relationship supplies sexual highs but none of the key components of a good, healthy, successful relationship.
Friendship, trust and teamwork carry relationships over long distances and through difficult times towards happiness, success and achieving our dreams.
Focus on Friendship, Trust and Teamwork for happy, spiritually successful relationships!
See Happiness Habit for more happiness resources.
Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happiness resources, happy, happy relationships, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | No Comments »
Why do we often embrace, expand and wallow in our emotional pain?
Emotional Pain Is A Powerful Distractor That Robs Us of Happiness and Spiritual Success.
Engaging In Unnecessary Pain is Masochistic. So why do we do it?
Emotional pain is a powerful source of negative energy that seizes and holds our attention. It’s nature’s way of saying we need to stop what we’re doing to take care of things.
Thinking About Bad Things, and Reliving Painful Scenarios Gives Us Powerful Jolts of Negative Energy. They Are Our Own Personal Horror Shows.
We are both energized and made miserable by this emotional pain. I’s a source of negative energy that brings misery.
Sources of energy are attractive to us… laughter, love, thrills, great music, exercise, elevating experiences, sexual attractions, triumphs and achievement. Emotional pain that gives us jolts of negative energy is also attractive, but in a misery making way.
Remembering and Reliving Misery, Reinforces Our Misery. Reliving distressing situations becomes our own personal horror shows. They gives us jolts of energy with a large negative toll.
Recognize it for what it is, a jolt of negative energy from a bad source. Ask yourself,
“Is this positive or productive?”
“Is this helping me in some way?”
“Is this the best use of my time and attention?”
If not, detach and decisively resolve to NOT to give it a moment more of your time, attention or well-being. Painful thoughts are robbing you of pleasant present opportunities for no reason.
Detach and Distract Yourself from Destructive Misery, Distress and Despair.
Resolve to Direct Your Attention to Positive, Pleasant Solutions, Opportunities and Activities.
See Happiness Habit for more happiness resources.
Copyright © 1999- Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:despair, distress, emotional pain, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore, misery, pain
Posted in Happiness Notes, Happiness Quotes | 1 Comment »
Many people who truly love their work never want to retire. Then time or mandatory retirement catches up with them and they have no choice.
People who dislike their work can’t wait until the magic time comes.
The question everyone faces is… Then what?
Is a life of leisure all it’s cracked up to be?
What’s the secret to a happy retirement?
If you’re retired and NOT happy, try this…
Find something that makes you mad as hell and go fix it. Or decide to fix a small part of it you can influence and improve. Find something meaningful and worthwhile to devote your life to and work at it diligently.
Find ways to make the world or part of it a better place.
Personal purpose and productivity are important keys to happiness.
A retired banking acquaintance who maintains two large homes and has traveled widely recently quipped,
“Retirement is not all it’s cracked up to be.” He’s a cynic who describes himself as “skeptical” and likes to poke fun at my happiness endeavors.
“Travel?” I asked.
“Be there, done that,” he replied. “We’ve been every where we want to go and there’s no where we want to go back.”
“Passions?” I inquired.
“I don’t have any,” he answered.
“Volunteer work?”
“Did plenty of that while I was at the bank” he answered. After he walked away I realized what he probably really needed was a challenge, something to sink his teeth into.
We spend our lives building and creating businesses and professional careers. Then we walk away thinking our lives will be better when we don’t have to do anything at all. For some it is, for many it is not.
A friend who winters in Naples, Florida comments that many senior executives retire there and then die quickly in three to five years. Their minds and spirits are invigorated by the business challenges they face. Without them, they expire.
It’s as if the universe is saying, You’ve spent your life making money, now it’s time to give back or you may die quickly.
Find a challenge you can sink your teeth into. Make the world a better place. Find something that makes you mad as hell and go fix it. It’s a great way to feel happy, productive and enjoy a long retirement.
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights and resources.
Copyright © 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy retirement, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 3 Comments »
Defend Your Happiness – Your good mood, your spiritual freedom and your turf against people, events and things that might take them away!
http://FightwithFinesse.com explores the Fine Art of Cheerful Corporate Combat.
Continually Radiate Confident, Relaxed, Energized Well-being.
Smile As You Speak. Speak slowly, project your words powerfully and purposefully. Talk to the back of the room. Push back with positive personality. Adopt an aura of amused, attractive assertiveness.
Emphasize Positives – Benefits, advantages and rewards of your position and suggestions. Avoid personal attacks, criticism and character assassination.
Don’t Disagree, Argue or Say, “No!” State contrary positions in clear, concise, positive, compelling terms. Emphasize and expand the benefits and rewards of your position and the dangers of doing things differently.
Base Your Position on Good Goals and High Ideals EVERYONE Can Embrace and Few Can Fault.
Don’t React Emotionally – Hold on to your personal power. Reacting to an adversary’s attacks gives them control over your actions and feelings. Chart your own course, don’t give them control.
Hook Attention with Abundant Positive Energy – Agree and direct the discussion your way. Positive energy attracts attention and makes people want to listen.
Don’t Look to your Audience for Approval. Seeking approval gives adversaries power and control over your feelings.
Remember Rebellion and Revolt Fuel Happiness – Revolt and rebel against anyone and anything that tries to control you, drag you down or depress your positive spirits. Don’t give adversaries control of your thoughts or feelings.
Continually Radiate Confidence and Relaxed, Energized Well-being. Try to touch everyone you meet with a positive spirit.
For more happiness habits see HappinessHabit.com
The Fine Art of Cheerful Corporate Combat – FightWithFinesse.com
Copyright © 2001-2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:fight finesse, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 1 Comment »
How much time do you spend Criticizing in relation to time you devote to creating Confidence, Competence, Credibility and Concern in the people you live or work with?
What is your C / C4 ratio?
Criticism is Very Counter Productive! Criticism focuses on what’s wrong, bad or deficient. It leaves people deflated and confused.
Hammering On Wrongs Does NOT Communicate What Is Right, good, successful or appropriate! Criticism hurts people and gives them no hint as to what they should do to improve.
Think instead about what you can do to Create the Four C’s…
Confidence – People must feel good about themselves and their abilities to succeed and perform well.
Competence – We must know what excellence is in order to achieve it.
Credibility – People must think your words and insights can help them.
Concern – We must honestly care in order to listen, absorb and apply your message. If we don’t care, your communication is lost completely.
We all need to be able to recognize and rigorously reject wrongs in order to succeed and do well. This requires no more than 10% of our time.
Focus on Rehearsing, Reinforcing and Rewarding Rights… good, upright actions, activities and responses.
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.
Copyright © 2001-2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. This material may NOT be published, broadcast, distributed or rewritten without permission from the authors.
Tags:confidence, criticism, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 4 Comments »
“The highest and greatest of the human freedoms is to choose your attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
~ Viktor Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”
The concept of Spiritual Freedom grew from Viktor Frankl’s incredible accounts of how some men triumphed emotionally and spiritually over the most horrific circumstances, Auschwitz.
“Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical distress.”
Each inmate ultimately chose whether to succumb to prison camp mentality and become a mere product of their environment and experience or to try to triumph spiritually and be something more, better and different.
“Fundamentally, therefore, any man can, even under such circumstances, decide what shall become of him – mentally and spiritually. He may retain his human dignity even in a concentration camp.”
Frankl describes how some men went about comforting and aiding their fellow prisoners while others succumbed to the most selfish, basest motivations and desires.
Frankl illustrates a key aspect of the Happiness Habit :
“If we don’t consciously decide what sort of person we want to be and then work to become that person, our environment and our experience determine both our identity and our destiny for us.”
Beyond the barbed wires in life, there is always a wide expanse of opportunity, spiritual freedom and emotional independence that frees us from being dominated and controlled by our circumstances.
We can decide what sort of person we want to be and work to become that person. We can decide to practice being our best selves all of the time and and continually try to do our best, feel our best and be our best all of the time. Our best will continue to get even better.
A key to happiness and spiritual success is to always look past the barbed wire!
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights. Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints. Michele Moore is author of How To Live A Happy Life – 101 Ways To Be Happier.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy life, michele moore, spiritual freedom
Posted in Happiness Notes, Happiness Quotes | 2 Comments »
The Happiness Institute in Australia reminded us how very culturally dependent measures of happiness can be.
Today they cite a study in the United Kingdom that reports hairdressers are the happiest profession.
We don’t know where hair dressing ranks in University of Chicago’s study, nor do we know where the clergy rank in happiness and job satisfaction in Great Britain.
It’s important to appreciate how very subjective and culturally dependent happiness and job satisfaction studies can be.
Are similar questions being asked in the same way to similar groups of people? Do the questions and answers mean the same things?
The United States and Great Britain are very similar in many ways, we would expect surveys of happiness and job satisfaction to be alike too.
Just as we were surprised to see tomatoes regularly served for breakfast on our first trip to Great Britain, we should expect surprises in happiness and job satisfaction rankings between countries and cultures as well.
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints. Michele Moore is author of How To Live A Happy Life – 101 Ways To Be Happier.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | No Comments »
Habitually happy people consciously choose their moods and their attitudes, because they like to enjoy all life has to offer.
They don’t want to waste time in bad, unhappy, non productive moods or mental states.
They decide what they are going to do and they consciously decide to enjoy it. They manage their actions and their attitudes very effectively.
They don’t continually look outside of themselves for happiness. They create their own joy though their actions, appreciation and their achievements.
This is a very different perspective from people who continually seek happiness outside of themselves. When they can’t find it, they are often disappointed and dejected. Some retreat into a mythical sort of lotus land to find some semblance of happiness and bliss.
Enduring Happiness is not a retreat from reality but a different perspective on reality.
- It’s knowing we are truly at our best when we are up and happy, so we try to be that way all of the time.
- It’s knowing life is far richer and beautiful when we are appreciating all that’s around us, not judging.
- Happiness definitely requires an independent, rebellious spirit that refuses to let difficulties take control of our hearts and minds. Refusal to let difficulties define our identity, feelings or our actions is a key to happiness.
Is it easier to be happy when everything around us is beautiful and life is going well? Absolutely, especially if you already embrace and practice these happiness habits.
If you don’t, no measure of good things coming into your life will ever bring you enduring happiness.
We can use difficult times to strengthen our happiness skills and our determination to triumph over distress and despair.
You decide what you want to do.
See HappinessHabit.com for more insights on how to live a happy life.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:habitually happy, happiness, happy, michele moore
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We are always amazed and delighted by how truly and consistently nice genuinely happy people are. This was one of the biggest surprises from our interviews and studies of habitually happy people. Happiness and niceness invariably are linked together.
By nice, we don’t mean door mat, subservient, submissive or excessively concerned about other people’s opinions. Habitually happy people were anything but that! They all tended to be very independent, somewhat outspoken and in many ways, adventurous.
By niceness we mean genuinely caring and being concerned about other people and the people around you. Passion propels happiness. Passion without caring and consideration for others is empty and self serving. Caring for others helps create compassion.
Many thanks to the Happiness Institute for today’s posting from Eastern Progress that reminds us how niceness contributes to happiness. Helpful messages often come when we need them the most! 😉
We know people who are nice but who are not especially happy, niceness by itself does not ensure happiness. We never encountered anyone who was genuinely and consistently happy who was not nice. Sociopaths may fall into this category, their happiness is delusional.
Focusing our time and attention on doing good things well helps ensures happiness. Niceness, care and concern for others as well as ourselves is part of living well.
On a very different tone, ever wonder Why Having More No Longer Makes Us Happy? See an excellent article on the over emphasis of continued economic growth in AlterNet but be warned, it’s serious stuff! That’s why they call economics the dismal science.
See HappinessHabit.com for more insights on happy living.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:genuinely happy, happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy life, happy livinf, michele moore, nice, niceness
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UPDATE
CBS removed Gilbert’s second quote* from the CNBSnews.com website after we received his angry email.
Our comments had impact!
Katie Couric’s interview today with “Stumbling on Happiness” author Daniel Gilbert shares revealing insights into how psychologists view happiness.
Here are Dr. Gilbert’s closing comments:
“This interview has, of course, been the single happiest experience of my entire adult life,” says Gilbert.
“I’d have to say that I am especially happy when my 4 year old granddaughter and I spread the tinker toys out on the living room floor and build a geebenfloober. Neither of us has any idea what a geebenfloober is, but it’s really fun to say with a mouthful of pretzels.”
Conspicuously absent were any steps people can take to live happier, more fulfilling lives, like…
Be Guided By Goodness, Fuel Your Life With Fun, Your Aim Determines Your Achievements, Avoid All Unnecessary, Non-Productive Negativity and the Fault Finding Feel Goods, Focus On How You Want To Feel, Drive Discipline With Desire, Live According To Your Aspirations Not Your Inclinations, Touch People With A Positive Spirit, Live By Only The Highest And Best Values, Be Driven By Desire Not Duress, Love Propels Happiness.
Psychotherapists have major investments in treating disease. Growing happiness does not necessarily further their goals.
*Gilbert begins by saying, “in the land of plenty, plenty of people are unhappy and want to know why.”
He seems to view unhappiness as something that is wrong, as a disease, not as a negative state that can be changed and overcome by thinking and acting in new or different ways.
Don’t look to psychologists or psychotherapists for compelling insights about happiness.
Instead, seek out genuinely happy people. Study and acquire their values, beliefs and ideals and then become happy like them.
Gilbert comments, “You should do some homework before criticizing others as a means of promoting your book.” Hmmm, did we really criticize? Or did we just quote him fairly from the interview and state the facts? We were certainly kind and supportive on the CBS website.
You decide.
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:daniel gilbert, happiest, happiness, happy people, katie couric, michele moore
Posted in Happiness News | 4 Comments »
Are God and Jesus Christ are the only true sources of happiness?
“Sometimes, the person who has everything he could desire is still not happy; meanwhile someone deprived of everything, even freedom or health, can be joyful and peaceful, if God is within his heart. ”
~ Pope Benedict XVI
We both agree and disagree!
Certainly many church teachings are central and crucial to living a happy, spiritually successful life. Compassion, goodness, honesty, virtue and truth are the basis of a happy life.
We also know many very religious people who are not especially happy. Some of the most horrendous crimes in history were committed with a false sense of religious righteousness.
Some of the happiness people in the world are Buddhists who do not have a concept of God that is central to our Judaeo Christian creed. Buddhists do have compelling teachings about compassion, care and concern for others that are central to their beliefs.
It is these values, we believe, that bring Buddhists happiness. The ancient Greeks agreed, “A man who is not virtuous will never be happy.” ~ Epicurus
Herb Benham jokes about a recent study in the Archives of Internal Medicine reporting that fat men are less likely to commit suicide than thin men!? One wonders if worry is keeping people thin and unhappy.
Taking pride in feeling good and looking good is important source of happiness! We don’t believe habitually over eating is a healthy, enduring source of joy.
What do you think? Post your comments below!
See HappinessHabit.com for more resources.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:god, happiness, happiness habit, happy, jesus christ happiness, michele moore, pope
Posted in Happiness Quotes, NoTweet | 1 Comment »
Should Happiness Be Pursued? Or does happiness flow best and naturally just from a life well lived?
See Happiness Without Pursuit
Mark Teeter 3/17/07 St. Petersburg Times
One of my grandfathers pursued happiness and the other did not. The first tried a dozen disparate jobs but found only modest success and fleeting satisfaction.
The non-pursuer — a rare combination of journalist, historian and Methodist minister — did all three for their own sake and that of others, and did them very well. When he died, Time magazine titled his obituary “A Happy Man.”
It’s a wonderful article and analysis of happiness in Russia!
See HappinessHabit.com for more insights about how to live a happy life.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happiness pursuit, happy, michele moore, pursue happiness
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Happiness Blog is moving, expanding and will include current happiness articles of interest.
See HappinessHabit.com for a listing of Happiness Habits.
We’ll continue to respond to reader’s comments and what we read, like this for example:
“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” was posted by the Happiness Institute today…
“A negative judgment is the force behind all fears, anxieties and worries!”
Why say any day “May not be good?” When you start off that way, your negative projections can become a self fulfilling prophecy! Why not say, “How can I make the best of this day and every day?”
The International Herald Tribune writes Darrin McMahon author of “Happiness: A History” still has problems defining Happiness, so does Hootiepalooza who writes.. Wikipedia defines happiness As an effective state?!!!
Why not try our Happiness Habit definition… ”
A happy life is generally…
Pleasant & Pleasing,
Purposeful & Productive,
Prosperous & Spiritually Successful!”
“Happiness is the energized, elevated emotion we experience when we enjoy, appreciate or achieve a worthwhile goal.”
Deciding what happiness means to us helps us decide what steps we can take to attain it. For more insights see our Happiness Habit resources.
Tell us if you like our new approach. It may be a bit redundant at times, but repeating key concepts helps them to be reinforced and retained. That’s the way to build happiness!
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness resources.
Copyright 2007, Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness blog, happiness habit, michele moore
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Doug Manning shares a wonderful insight into happiness in his posting today titled Denominator of Happiness at ProactiveLiving.BlogSpot.com –
He says developing your Denominator is the key to happiness…
“The denominator is the real secret to developing an enduring sense of happiness and fulfillment. You focus on defining and developing your whole self. What are your interests? What do you value? What are your passions? What is your unique style? Where in the world can you be who you are?”
“These are the questions that give shape to defining a quality life. In the denominator world, quality is better than quantity, every denominator is unique, and the quickest way to get everything you want is to want exactly what you have.”
What a great approach! So much depends upon perceptions. People with much materially can still feel poor, especially if they are over extended financially. Other people who seem to have comparatively little can feel very rich and appreciative of all they do have.
We found the biggest barrier to happiness is the Fault Finding Feel Goods, all those terribly temping tendencies to judge, criticize and blame. A great happiness habit is to avoid all unnecessary, non-productive negativity. If the negativity doesn’t help you or protect you in some way, reject it.
If the negativity does actually help you, turn it into a series of positive action items to help you build your happiness and success. Hope this helps!
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, michele moore
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“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
~ J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series
How true this is with happiness and all other facets of our lives!
Our choices reveal our beliefs, ideals and our values.
The world evaluates us by what we value.
Truly happy people are guided by goodness, love, caring and compassion. They continually focus on doing their best and being their best. Love propels their work, their lives and their happiness.
They live by the highest and best values and beliefs. Their minds and lives are founded and grounded in honesty, virtue, goodness and truth. The universe respects, admires and rewards people who try to do good things well.
People who prefer greed and malicious manipulation over integrity, compassion and goodness are only happy when they beat somebody. When they don’t win they are miserable. They must feel superior to feel good about themselves. This is the path to emptiness, material gains on occasion, but still an unhappy, meaningless life.
Love propels happiness. Wherever love and goodness are limited or lacking there is no happiness. Look around and see if the wicked appear truly happy to you. Most are very shallow, weak, empty and insecure.
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness wisdom.
Copyright©1999- , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness choices, happy people, j.k. rowling, love, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Quotes | 1 Comment »
Do you feel frustrated by reading about recent Happiness Research at major universities?
Are you looking for ways to be happier and find this research offers no clues as to what to do? You are not alone, we all face the same quandary. Here’s why…
Academic / scientific research usually involves qualities that are measurable and verifiable so the studies can be repeated with the same results. That’s why we have all the emphasis on measuring subjective happiness, relative indexes and comparative results.
Researchers must rely on qualities that can be measured so their studies can be repeated and yield similar results so they can be considered valid.
Measuring happiness does not describe how to attain it! They are two very different goals, processes and functions.
Many philosophers, psychiatrists and great thinkers throughout time have written that comparisons and analysis of Happiness actually defeats happiness. We agree. Why stop being happy to try to measure our happiness? What difference do these measurements make? Do they help you to be happier?
Once you measure relative happiness, what good does it do you?
If we want to be happy or happier, we need to focus on developing the skills, habits and strategies that lead to happy lives. There are simple, universal, eternal truths to living a happy, spiritually successful life. If we practice them we will be happier.
See HappinessHabit.com for more Happiness Habits!
Copyright 1999- , Michele Moore All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happier, happiness, happiness habit, happiness research, michele moore
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Yes, happy people are healthier too! Tonight NBC featured studies showing that happy people are more resistant to cold and flu viruses and lead longer lives than their less happy counterparts.
Ten Years Longer Life..
A well known study of Catholic nuns revealed that nuns who consistently wrote positive journals lived up to 10 years longer than those whose journals tended toward negative.
“If we hope, we cope. If we don’t, we mope,” one charmingly energetic 96 year old nun commented on screen. What’s the reason?
Happiness is a protector against stress.
Stress stimulates the release of cortisol, a hormone correlated with higher risks of heart disease.
Happiness counters stress, when we’re happy, we’re less stressed.
A related feature reported that more than 11 million prescriptions are written annually for anti depressant medications like Prozac and Zolof in the United States. If we chemically treat erectile dysfunction and baldness, why not bad moods?
See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.
Copyright 1999 – , Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy people, health, michele moore, msnbc, nbc
Posted in Happiness News | 1 Comment »
Happiness And Work
Happiness comes from a job well done, from knowing we’ve accomplished something of value in a positive and joyous way. Even repetitive, mundane tasks can be made beautiful by the spirit in which we address them. Joy in all we do is something we can choose to cultivate.
The best way to do anything well is to cultivate a love for it.
It makes no sense to place our attitudes in conflict with actions we must take to achieve our goals. That’s a sign we need to change what we’re doing, change how we feel about it, or both.
Excellence is a function of the attention, care and concern we give to what we do. Mediocre results from mediocre efforts bring little joy or satisfaction. We can choose to excel and do well through the attention, care and concern we extend to our work.
Happiness can come from doing an ordinary job extraordinarily well and taking pride in our achievements. Happiness comes from achieving something we value and celebrating our success.
Happiness comes from the joyous spirit of attention, care and concern we can choose to address our work.
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy work, michele moore, work happiness
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Practice Being Your Best Self
We all experience those magical days when we are thinking, acting and feeling our very best. Our minds are alert, sharp, focused, we are able to concentrate well. An easy, relaxed powerful energy flows through our bodies. Our spirits seem to soar with joy.
Remember those days, recall those thoughts and feelings. Feel the rhythm and beat of that marvelous, positive energy flowing through your body. Connect with those and feelings and take them on for yourself. Project them and they will be yours.
You can’t step into that magic zone by concentrating on how badly you feel!
For more happiness habits and insights explore HappinessHabit.com
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:best self, happiness, happiness habit, happy, michele moore
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Money Is Not Happiness
Here’s further proof that “Money Does NOT Buy Happiness” from a new study in Australia. ABC-Australia Higher income people showed less satisfaction with their lives than people in lower income brackets.
Money buys beautiful things that bring Situational Happiness. It shows superficial status and financial success. Money buys interesting, enlightening experiences, education and travel. Money buys freedom from some worries, it provides food, shelter and health insurance. It buys delightful distractions and diversions.
These are external experiences that temporarily elevate our feelings.
Habitually Happy People focus on Spiritual Success which brings Sustained Happiness. It’s fairly independent of their external environment or circumstances.
It’s easy to confuse things that make us happy temporarily with the true source of happiness, which ultimately lies within ourselves. Unhappy people will be unhappy irrespective of their wealth and resources. Habitually Happy People have decided to be happy no matter what happens around them.
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happiness, happiness habit, happy, michele moore, money buys happiness
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Chaos, Calm & Creativity
It’s a myth that Happiness comes with calm, complacent serenity.
Happiness flows from action, achievement, accomplishment and activity.
Our happiest moments often come at our most exuberant, creative times. Most people feel extraordinarily happy when they are in their most creative state. Creativity comes with energy, enthusiasm and excitement.
“In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed – but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and what did that produce – the cuckoo clock!”
~ Orson Wells, The Third Man, 1949.
Happiness springs from creativity, energy and excitement.
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 –Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:calm, creativity, happiest, happiness, happiness habit, happy, michele moore
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Focus On How You Want To Feel
Habitually Happy People know how they like to feel, they have a sort of Best Self optimal way of being and feeling. They try to be that way and feel that way most of the time.
Yes, like the rest of us, they times when they fall into the dumps or doldrums. But they catch themselves and try to stop, re energize and return to their Best Self way of being.
They’ll say, “I don’t like myself when I feel or act that way.”
They focus on how they want to feel and try to become that way. When you focus on a bad feelings they expand in your mind. Happy People focus on how they want to feel, not on what they want to cast off.
It’s a powerful technique from the Happiness Habit!
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:habitually happy people, happiness, happiness habit, happy people, michele moore
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Habitually Happy People Define Themselves
Habitually Happy People are happy because they decided to define themselves to be happy people. At some critical point in their lives, they resolved to cast off all unnecessary unhappiness, misery and negativity. They consciously decided to develop themselves to be happy people. They gradually acquired the thoughts, feelings and actions of happy people.
Many of the habitually happy people we interviewed and studied said they came from dismal, unhappy, dysfunctional family situations or backgrounds. They didn’t want to be or become just a product of their environment and experience, they wanted far more for their lives.
So they cast off past pain and misery and developed themselves into happy, successful people. It was a goal that became a sort of role for them. Gradually, over time, they adopted the positive, successful perspectives and habits that lead to a happy, successful life. They developed themselves into happy people. They decided to define who they would be and become.
The same skills and perspectives are available to all of us!
Happiness Habit – Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:habitually happy people, happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy people, michele moore
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Love Propels Happiness
Happiness comes with the excited, exuberant, elated emotion we feel when we are in love with what we’re doing, the people around us, the future ahead of us. Love is exciting, delighting, empowering, uplifting. Love sends our spirits soaring.
Happy people love the world around them, their work, their future, they love everything the do. Love propels their happiness. Habitually happy people have decided to try to love all of the time.
Love is an active verb, it is something we decide to do and it’s an emotion we feel.
To live a happier life, propel your happiness with love. Decide to try to love all of the time.
Happiness Habit: Skills & Strategies of Habitually Happy People
Copyright 1999 – Michele Moore. All Rights Reserved. Reprints.
Tags:happier life, happiness, happiness habit, happy people, love, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 3 Comments »
