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Happiness in Relationships

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

What makes for happy, successful lives and relationships?

Friendship, Trust and Teamwork

There is no greater gift than to help a person achieve their goals.

Good happy relationships help people achieve their goals and their dreams!

“But we’re so different!” is a frequent concern. People who work, live or spend time together happily and successfully grow together over time. We are enriched by differences and learn from them.

Key questions to ask…

Are our goals the same? Do we want to achieve the same things? Do we want to travel to the same destinations in five, ten and twenty years?
Is my life truly better with them or without them?
Are our values the same?
Are we compatible, do we enjoy spending time together?
Do I have FUN with this person? Do they make me laugh?

Do Your Homework Before Becoming Involved

Spend time building friendship, trust and teamwork. If you can’t do it early in a relationship, you probably won’t be able to do it later once your emotions are hooked.

There’s a big problem with allowing sexuality to drive relationships. A person who is inappropriate but sexually attractive draws us into situations that are not good for us. The relationship supplies sexual highs but none of the key components of a good, healthy, successful relationship.

Friendship, trust and teamwork carry relationships over long distances and through difficult times towards happiness, success and achieving our dreams.

Focus on Friendship, Trust and Teamwork for happy, spiritually successful relationships!

See Happiness Habit for more happiness resources.

Tags: happiness, happiness habit, happiness resources, happy, happy relationships, michele moore
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Detach from Unnecessary Distress and Despair

Friday, November 9th, 2007

Pain Is A Powerful Distractor That Robs Us of Pleasure

Engaging In Unnecessary Pain is Masochistic

Why do we tend to embrace and wallow in our pain?

Emotional and physical pain are powerful negative sources of energy that seize and hold our attention. It’s nature’s way of saying we need to stop what we’re doing to care for ourselves.

Emotional pain is especially powerful, destructive and distracting. We can be energized by the pain and from repeating, reliving or wallowing in painful situations.

We are both energized and made miserable by emotional pain. That’s the problem… it’s a source of energy and misery at the same time.

Sources of energy are attractive… laughter, love, thrills, great music, exercise, elevating experiences, sexual attractions, triumphs and achievement.

Sadly, emotional pain that gives us jolts of energy are also attractive, but in a negative, misery making way. By reliving and rehearsing our misery, we reinforce our misery.

Reliving distressing situations can become our own personal horror shows. They gives us a jolt of energy with a large negative toll.

Recognize it for what it is, a jolt of energy from a bad source. Ask yourself,

“Is this positive or productive?”
“Is this helping me in some way?”
“Is this the best use of my time and attention?”

If not, detach and definitively decide to NOT to give it a moment more of your time, well-being or attention. Painful thoughts are robbing you of pleasant present opportunities for no reason.

Detach and distract yourself from unnecessary misery, distress and despair.

Resolve to direct your attention to positive, uplifting solutions, opportunities and achievements!

See Happiness Habit for more happiness resources.

Tags: despair, distress, emotional pain, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore, misery, pain
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Happiness, Goodness & Giving

Saturday, September 22nd, 2007

Habitually Happy people are amazingly altruistic. They rarely pass up a chance to be kind when it costs them little or risks them little.

Practicing Continual Kindness Is A Way To Be Happy.

They are also very adept at protecting themselves, pursuing and achieving their goals. They are not “people pleasers,” they do good because it makes them feel good.

It’s an example of the First Law of Happy Thought:
Our Focus Determines Our Feelings.

When We Focus Our Time, Attention and Energy On Doing Good We Feel Good. More importantly…

We can’t expect others to treat us well if we don’t extend the same care, concern and compassion we want from them to them.

I recently heard a noted economist speak on the subject of giving at a church stewardship dinner. He relayed recent studies linking charitable giving to happiness, but missed a few key points:

Altruism Is Attractive – We tend to like and trust altruistic people because we believe they place goodness, right action and the welfare of others on an equal plane with their own concerns.

It’s hard to like or trust selfish people who don’t show integrity.

Make Goodness A Guiding Goal – Doing good makes us feel good. Giving appropriately makes us feel good because we know we are contributing to worthwhile causes. And the flip side is…

When we don’t feel good about our actions, we can’t truly enjoy the rewards those actions bring. Try the Gold Fish Test – if the world knew the details of your actions, how would you and they feel? Worry isn’t worth it, secrets cause stress.

Love Not Logic Prompts Giving - People need clear, compelling visions of the benefits their gifts provide and a love for the cause in order to support them enthusiastically.

It’s a twist on the old sales adage, “Logic makes people think, emotions make them act.” Build benefits and love before asking for expanded contributions.

There’s an important difference between really wanting to do something and feeling we must, ought or have to do it.

Love Propels Happiness And Giving - Demonstrate how to feel good, proud and joyful about giving. Drive giving with desire.

Acquire The Qualities You Admire In Others – Seek good role models and visions of excellence which help to define the steps to achieve them.

Truly happy, successful people are usually very kind, caring, honest, charitable and compassionate.

Look Like and Live Like the Leaders You Admire. You’ll find they usually give very generously.

Action, Activity and Achievement Are Keys To Happiness. Doing Good Makes Us Feel Good.

Explore HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.

Tags: giving, goodness, habitually happy, happiness habit, happy, love, michele moore
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Happiness in Retirement

Sunday, June 17th, 2007

Many people who truly love their work never want to retire. Then time or mandatory retirement catches up with them and they have no choice.

People who dislike their work can’t wait until the magic time comes.

The question everyone faces is… Then what?

Is a life of leisure all it’s cracked up to be?

What’s the secret to a happy retirement?

If you’re retired and NOT happy, try this…

Find something that makes you mad as hell and go fix it. Or decide to fix a small part of it you can influence and improve. Find something meaningful and worthwhile to devote your life to and work at it diligently.

Find ways to make the world or part of it a better place.

Personal purpose and productivity are important keys to happiness.

A retired banking acquaintance who maintains two large homes and has traveled widely recently quipped,

“Retirement is not all it’s cracked up to be.” He’s a cynic who describes himself as “skeptical” and likes to poke fun at my happiness endeavors.

“Travel?” I asked.

“Be there, done that,” he replied. “We’ve been every where we want to go and there’s no where we want to go back.”

“Passions?” I inquired.

“I don’t have any,” he answered.

“Volunteer work?”

“Did plenty of that while I was at the bank” he answered. After he walked away I realized what he probably really needed was a challenge, something to sink his teeth into.

We spend our lives building and creating businesses and professional careers. Then we walk away thinking our lives will be better when we don’t have to do anything at all. For some it is, for many it is not.

A friend who winters in Naples, Florida comments that many senior executives retire there and then die quickly in three to five years. Their minds and spirits are invigorated by the business challenges they face. Without them, they expire.

It’s as if the universe is saying, You’ve spent your life making money, now it’s time to give back or you may die quickly.

Find a challenge you can sink your teeth into. Make the world a better place. Find something that makes you mad as hell and go fix it. It’s a great way to feel happy, productive and enjoy a long retirement.

See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights and resources.

Tags: happiness, happiness habit, happy retirement, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 3 Comments »

Fight with Finesse

Saturday, June 9th, 2007

Defend Your Happiness – Your good mood, your spiritual freedom and your turf against people, events and things that might take them away!

http://FightwithFinesse.com explores the Fine Art of Cheerful Corporate Combat.

Continually Radiate Confident, Relaxed, Energized Well-being.

Smile As You Speak. Speak slowly, project your words powerfully and purposefully. Talk to the back of the room. Push back with positive personality. Adopt an aura of amused, attractive assertiveness.

Emphasize Positives – Benefits, advantages and rewards of your position and suggestions. Avoid personal attacks, criticism and character assassination.

Don’t Disagree, Argue or Say, “No!” State contrary positions in clear, concise, positive, compelling terms. Emphasize and expand the benefits and rewards of your position and the dangers of doing things differently.

Base Your Position on Good Goals and High Ideals EVERYONE Can Embrace and Few Can Fault.

Don’t React Emotionally – Hold on to your personal power. Reacting to an adversary’s attacks gives them control over your actions and feelings. Chart your own course, don’t give them control.

Hook Attention with Abundant Positive Energy – Agree and direct the discussion your way. Positive energy attracts attention and makes people want to listen.

Don’t Look to your Audience for Approval. Seeking approval gives adversaries power and control over your feelings.

Remember Rebellion and Revolt Fuel Happiness – Revolt and rebel against anyone and anything that tries to control you, drag you down or depress your positive spirits. Don’t give adversaries control of your thoughts or feelings.

Continually Radiate Confidence and Relaxed, Energized Well-being. Try to touch everyone you meet with a positive spirit.

For more happiness habits see HappinessHabit.com

The Fine Art of Cheerful Corporate Combat – FightWithFinesse.com

Tags: fight finesse, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore
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Happiness and “Work”

Thursday, May 17th, 2007

Work Is A Series of Steps To
Success, Achievement
And Satisfaction

The word “work” conveys wonderful feelings and images…

A “work of art” describing special beauty, or…

“life’s work,” the pride and satisfaction we gain from personal and professional achievements.

Work is wonderful.

For other people, “work” means misery, difficulty and pain.

Anything associated with “work” must be avoided at all cost.
“Work” is by nature unattractive, burdensome and distasteful.
“Work” deprives us of fun and enjoyment.

Habitually Happy people enjoy very different perspectives. They view “Work” as steps to success and achievement. They love to achieve and succeed so they always try to enjoy their work.

Habitually happy people decide what they are going to do and then they decide to find ways to enjoy it. The best way to excel and do well at anything is to cultivate a love for what you do.

They know viewing something they have to do as dreary, difficult or distasteful allows bad attitudes to work against them. They align their attitudes to support their goals, ambitions and decisions.

Even dull, repetitive work feeds families and allows people to pursue hobbies and higher goals. Take pride in doing simple things extraordinarily well.

View Work As Steps To Success And Achieving Your Goals. Relish and enjoy each step and you will never toil again.

For more Happiness Habits At Work and Happiness Habits see HappinessHabit.com

Tags: habitually happy, happiness at work, happiness habit, happy, happy work, michele moore
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Happiness is LOW C / C4

Thursday, May 3rd, 2007

How much time do you spend Criticizing in relation to time you devote to creating Confidence, Competence, Credibility and Concern in the people you live or work with?

What is your C / C4 ratio?

Criticism is Very Counter Productive! Criticism focuses on what’s wrong, bad or deficient. It leaves people deflated and confused.

Hammering On Wrongs Does NOT Communicate What Is Right, good, successful or appropriate! Criticism hurts people and gives them no hint as to what they should do to improve.

Think instead about what you can do to Create the Four C’s…

Confidence – People must feel good about themselves and their abilities to succeed and perform well.

Competence – We must know what excellence is in order to achieve it.

Credibility – People must think your words and insights can help them.

Concern – We must honestly care in order to listen, absorb and apply your message. If we don’t care, your communication is lost completely.

We all need to be able to recognize and rigorously reject wrongs in order to succeed and do well. This requires no more than 10% of our time.

Focus on Rehearsing, Reinforcing and Rewarding Rights… good, upright actions, activities and responses.

See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.

Tags: confidence, criticism, happiness, happiness habit, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 4 Comments »

Happiness Habits – Send Your Spirit Soaring

Monday, April 30th, 2007

In the few moments it take a couple of deep, relaxing breaths you can anchor, focus and then send your spirits soaring with delight.

See yourself on a beautiful beach, hear the sound of waves breaking, smell the salt air.

Relax, wiggle your toes, feel sand beneath your feet, balance your body effortlessly upright.

Take a couple of deep, Breaking Wave Breaths™ to the sound of the breaking waves.

See yourself smiling and laughing in your mind’s eye. Feel those feelings, take them on for yourself.

Feel light, relaxed, flexible, fluid, free to soar through the air.
Fill your heart and mind with happiness and delight and send
your spirit soaring with the sea gulls.

See HappinessHabit.com for more happiness insights.

Tags: happiness habit, michele moore
Posted in Happiness Notes | 5 Comments »

Happiness is Not Lotus Land

Monday, March 26th, 2007

Habitually happy people consciously choose their moods and their attitudes, they like to enjoy all life has to offer.

They don’t want to waste time in bad, unhappy, non productive moods or mental states.

They decide what they are going to do and they consciously decide to enjoy it. They manage their actions and their attitudes very effectively.

They don’t continually look outside of themselves for happiness. They create their own joy though their actions, appreciation and their achievements.

This is a very different perspective from people who continually seek happiness outside of themselves. When they can’t find it, they are often disappointed and dejected. Some retreat into a mythical sort of lotus land to find some semblance of happiness and bliss.

Enduring Happiness is not a retreat from reality but a different perspective on reality.

It’s knowing we are truly at our best when we are up and happy, so we try to be that way all of the time.
It’s knowing life is far richer and beautiful when we are appreciating all that’s around us, not judging.
Happiness definitely requires an independent, rebellious spirit that refuses to let difficulties take control of our hearts and minds. Refusal to let difficulties define our identity, feelings or our actions is a key to happiness.

Is it easier to be happy when everything around us is beautiful and life is going well? Absolutely, especially if you already embrace and practice these happiness habits.

If you don’t, no measure of good things coming into your life will ever bring you enduring happiness.

We can use difficult times to strengthen our happiness skills and our determination to triumph over distress and despair.

You decide what you want to do.

See HappinessHabit.com for more insights on how to live a happy life.

Tags: habitually happy, happiness, happy, michele moore
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Happiness = Niceness

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

We are always amazed and delighted by how truly and consistently nice genuinely happy people are. This was one of the biggest surprises from our interviews and studies of habitually happy people. Happiness and niceness invariably are linked together.

By nice, we don’t mean door mat, subservient, submissive or excessively concerned about other people’s opinions. Habitually happy people were anything but that! They all tended to be very independent, somewhat outspoken and in many ways, adventurous.

By niceness we mean genuinely caring and being concerned about other people and the people around you. Passion propels happiness. Passion without caring and consideration for others is empty and self serving. Caring for others helps create compassion.

Many thanks to the Happiness Institute for today’s posting from Eastern Progress that reminds us how niceness contributes to happiness. Helpful messages often come when we need them the most!

We know people who are nice but who are not especially happy, niceness by itself does not ensure happiness. We never encountered anyone who was genuinely and consistently happy who was not nice. Sociopaths may fall into this category, their happiness is delusional.

Focusing our time and attention on doing good things well helps ensures happiness. Niceness, care and concern for others as well as ourselves is part of living well.

On a very different tone, ever wonder Why Having More No Longer Makes Us Happy? See an excellent article on the over emphasis of continued economic growth in AlterNet but be warned, it’s serious stuff! That’s why they call economics the dismal science.

See HappinessHabit.com for more insights on happy living.

Tags: genuinely happy, happiness, happiness habit, happy, happy life, happy livinf, michele moore, nice, niceness
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